"The Chimes At Midnight" By Filbones
My mission will be up for Beta Testing this weekend. There is still allot of work to do, However I need to decide on a few things to change or fix and require feedback before I can Implement them.
“The Chimes At Midnight” By Filbones
TITLE : The Chimes At Midnight
AUTHOR : Filbones
CODE : ST:HK4N7W625
LEVEL : ANY
LOCATION : Earth Space Dock [Best to be picked up in Sector Space.]
LENGTH : At least 45 minutes. Optional may exstend to 1.5 hours
TAGS : FED DIP COM KDF RPG
DESCRIPTION : You are the only one who can restore balance to the quadrant and not only save the race and culture of an enemy, but restore power to the organizations and ideals you have been involved with your entire life. With all the forces against you, the only option is to prevail.
[MissionInfo]Earth Space Dock - Sol System - Sirius Sector Block[/MissionInfo]
[OOC]Not Polished. Published for beta testing. To Be Released in July.[/OOC]
LINKSCURRENT HOLODECK TEASER
Trailers and Teasers
TRIBBLE 1st EPISODE TRAILER
TRIBBLE SERIES - STARBASEUGC ADVERTISMENT
TRIBBLE 1st EPISODE - STARBASEUGC ADVERTISMENT
BACKGROUND: This mission started as a popular mission called Mysterious Grace. Popular because of its comedic value and Easter Eggs. Some of which where, find the ESD tailor on each map and make the Orion Ensign dance. It later became Can't Keep A New Suit clean which was about a captain who goes to allot of trouble to pick up a new suit and by the end of the episode needs a new one.
After Triggers reached Tribble this mission was redeveloped to include the original Mysterious Grace, The Fun House, The Return and Can't Keep A New Suit Clean in a 3 part series. Under the title The Chimes At Midnight series included the three titles, Can't Keep A New Suit Clean, All Warriors Are Cold Warriors and Shall We Not Revenge! The last one was never published and many players are still to see the extent of any resolution or climax.
The Holodeck version of The Chimes At Midnight, encompasses all of the previous. It is a Feature type episode and has a single story as well as an ending that sets up my series. It also references a mission I had up in the 2nd day of foundry launch, The Funhouse. It has been asked that I republish it. I have remastered it and it will be available on the official launch of The Chimes At Midnight on the 1st of July. I'm dying to get this mission published so I can start working on my other missions that have not seen the light of day.
WHAT I NEED FROM YOU!
The current mission published on Tribble is a draft and I'm asking for your help in making it a final draft. There are plot holes and design flaws that I'm aware of, as well as many spelling mistakes. All feedback is welcome and please refresh my memory on what I may be missing or forgot when working in the foundry. Also if you'd like to reference or recommend Cannon or design flaws, they are most welcome. Finally if you'd just like to rant and rave about how crap it is, please do so, but explain why. Other wise expect a PM towards why my mission didn't reach your expectation, because that knowledge is the most valuable to a foundry author.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY LABOUR OF LOVE
PLEASE ENJOY MY LABOUR OF LOVE
WARNING; IF YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO LIKES A FINISHED PRODUCT DO NOT PLAY MY MISSION YET
Reserved for UPDATES AND CHANGES
Respawn marker on Refuge Station is in the wrong place. Do not die before reaching Zoeys bar objective.... Sorry. Or exit and enter the mission again.
Well after many months of deliberation I got in an fixed my mission. It was allot easier than I thought. It's an old puppy, however I enjoyed spending so many hours on it during those early month of Foundry on Holodeck and couldn't stand not having it published. It still needs allot of work, but is playable and completable. Hope you can motivate me to fix up my other missions by giving feedback on this one.
P.s Put some time aside for play through. :D As it is lengthy if you delve into all the optional combat and content.
Mission Critique Report (Part 1) - The Chimes At Midnight
Project ID: ST-HK4N7W625
----------Report Start Part I-----------
Summary: This is a good mission with some really good map designs and story dialogue. It is a little lengthy but has a nice story to keep it interesting. I like the optional dialogue and how if the player misses some of it they may need it later in the mission. There were a few response buttons "Continue" that I thought could be better utilized, but they are not show stoppers. The battles are well done and an interesting diversion for the player even they some are "optional", meaning you still have to fight them but they are not a specific mission task. I would recommend this mission to other players. Just make sure you like missions with more of a story rather than a lot of fighting. There are some great battles but they are not the focus of the mission.
The use of Cryptic maps as a transition between custom authored maps could be a great benefit to authors, however it is not there yet and can detract from the story. This is more of a game limitation rather than just a Foundry limitation. The same thing can be seen anytime you leave a Cryptic mission that the particular map you were on has not been completed. Perhaps the Devs are working on fixing that so authors can use the Cryptic maps as a cross over to other custom maps. If the player knows this is a limitation of the game and not just Foundry missions they can ignore it but it will still be a problem until it is fixed so you may want to consider not using them for this mission in the way you did. That, of course, is up to you. ;)
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a nice intriguing description. I like the warning regarding the length of the mission although in the end that may scare some players away. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The dialogue is intriguing but seems a little odd. The officer is telling us to relax but we are the only protection for the sector except for Starfleet Academy students.
-Consider changing "that the [ShipName] is close by encase the Klingon's" to read "that the [ShipName] is close by in case the Klingon's".
-Consider changing "I'm sorry [Rank], We will do our best" to read "[Rank], we will do our best".
-Consider removing the dialogue from "We have reason to believe" through "The Fleet is spread out across the Galaxy". The dialogue in between and including both of those sentences seems to go counter to "[Rank], We will do our best to provide some much needed".
-The "Transmission" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] I grow tiresome" to read "[Rank], I grow weary".
Mission Task: Good mission task with clear locations of NPC Contacts.
Mission Entry Prompt: Multiple mission entry points.
Earth Space Dock (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of the Cryptic map. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
Level 51 Crew Quarters: This is an interesting map design with lots of tasks to perform. Also when we beam up in the turbo lift the “Level 51 Crew Quarters” is still available. I realize this is a limitation of using Cryptic maps as a pass through location. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The coffee cup is too high in both replicators.
-Consider changing "light up" to "Lights Up" to match the other button.
-Nothing happens when you do either "Lights Down" or "lights up".
-Consider changing the button "threaton Tribble" to read "Threaten Tribble".
San Francisco Starbase: This is an interesting map design with good battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
IKS Kronos One: This is an interesting map design. You seem to have added many different elements to the map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of issues to consider changing:
-Some of the consoles seemed to be buried in the bulkheads.
-The gray block on the corner hall is too high to act as a step, consider lowering it.
Montana, North America: This is a great map design. The story dialogue is well written and the battles are a good balance. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "I didn’t know you were scared of hights" to read "I didn’t know you were scared of heights".
-Consider changing "from the IKS kronos" to read "from the IKS Kronos".
-Consider changing the response button for the same reason.
-The response button to the IKS Kronos offering to beam down; consider changing "I will let you know if your needed" to read "I will let you know if you're needed".
-The Chancellor Keth dialogue; consider changing "This is an outrages" to read "This is an outrage".
-Consider changing "as peace with the federation sounds" to read "as peace with the Federation sounds".
-Consider changing "it is necessary for or prevail" to read "it is necessary for us to prevail".
-Post battle dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], But Starfleet has no duristriction" to read "[Rank], but Starfleet has no jurisdiction".
-I noted the use of "coordinace" in a quite few places in the dialogue. Consider changing it to "coordinates".
Lower Aft Ship Deck: This is a really good use of the base Cryptic map to design the story map. There are a few things that looked a little odd but overall a great design. The story dialogue was well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The ship Science BOFF refers to the player by the [FirstName]. Consider changing this to "Captain" or "[Rank]".
-The "Tactical" dialogue; consider changing "I'm receiveing reports from various Sectors of klingon invasions" to read "I'm receiving reports from various sectors of Klingon invasions".
-The "Engineering" dialogue; consider changing "were running at optimal officency" to read "we're running at optimal efficiency".
-The "Science" dialogue; consider changing "have allot of intel ready for any starfleet briefing" to read "have a lot of intel ready for any Starfleet briefing".
-The post communications dialogue; consider changing "Estimated arival in 1hour 34minutes" to read "Estimated arrival in 1 hour 34 minutes".
-Consider changing "Your crew might be able to exsplain recent events" to read "Your crew might be able to explain recent events".
-The "Lt Drew" dialogue; consider changing "was invented by spock after his studies" to read "was invented by Spock after his studies".
-Consider changing "it on the gate to stop olternate universe paradimes" to read "it on the gate to stop alternate universe paradigms".
-I noted the use of "quantom" in some areas of dialogue. Consider changing it to "quantum".
-The "Que'ess" dialogue; consider changing "because shoreleave was cancelled" to read "because shore leave was cancelled".
-The "Shelly" dialogue; consider changing "I had consumed on shoreleave" to read "I had consumed on shore leave".
-Consider changing the response button "I guess we can waver the court martial" to read "I guess we can waive the court martial".
-The room you've designed for "Shelly" needs a little work. The wall on the north side of the room appears to be sticking through the window. Consider moving the door to the room a little further south and the wall that is sticking through the window south to meet the edge of the window. Also consider changing the locker in the room to a single sided locker.
-The NPC contact at the warp core on the top level is labeled "UGC Contact".
-There is another NPC labeled "UGC Contact" at a console that says "I always get the irritable jobs".
-The "Falox" dialogue; consider changing "This gally is" to read "This galley is".
-The NPC in the room next to "Que'ess" is labeled "UGC Contact" and is standing too far from the console he is typing on.
-The warp core on the bottom level has an NPC at a console on the south side of the warp core labeled "UGC Contact".
-There is a NPC on the east side of the lower warp core labeled "UGC Contact".
-When looking up from the lower level of the warp core I noted that the plating above does not go all the way across. I also noted a few of the wandering NPC's like the "Ensign Medic" gets stuck inside the rail of the lower warp core.
Andorian Belt: This is a good map design with nice mission objectives and good balanced battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The ship seems to shake whenever I proceed in a downward direction. Is there and effect you've added or is this possibly a bug with the base map you are using?
-The "Command Center" post scan dialogue; consider changing "It also houses many traders, mercinaries and civilians" to read "It also houses many traders, mercenaries and civilians".
-The "What's the situation" dialogue; consider changing "To my knoledge" to read "To my knowledge".
-Consider changing "Ite seems some of the klingon population are holding them againats there will" to read "It seems that some of the Klingon population are holding them against their will".
-The "How can we help" dialogue; instead of "detigency" did you mean "detergency"?
-Consider changing "Starfleet personnel are being held by the klingons" to read "Starfleet personnel are being held by the Klingons".
---------End Report Part I----------
Mission Critique Report (Part 2) - The Chimes At Midnight
Project ID: ST-HK4N7W625
--------Report Start Part II---------
Trading Post: This is a good map design over all and the battles were good. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Veleth" dialogue; consider changing "There are reports of federation personnel" to read "There are reports of Federation personnel".
-Consider changing "The klingons have the cell" to read "The Klingons have the cell".
-Consider changing "They seem a little differant from the usual klingons we get here" to read "They seem a little different from the usual Klingons we get here".
-Consider changing the response button "This is now a federation matter" to read "This is now a Federation matter".
-Consider changing "I haven't heard from my reconisence crew in about 3o minutes" to read "I haven't heard from my recon team in about 30 minutes".
-Consider changing "This is area of the compund is usualy left to the civilian public to manage internaly" to read "This area of the base is usually left to the civilians to manage".
-Consider changing "It's a trade area for many refugees and asilum seekers" to read "It's a trade area for many refugees and asylum seekers.
-Consider changing "There is eligal activity, but due to foreighn customes we turn a blind eye" to read "There is illegal activity, but due to foreign customs we usually turn a blind eye.
-Consider changing the response button "What can I exspect" to read "What can I expect".
-The "Pot Roast" dialogue; consider changing "A federation ensign" to read "A Federation ensign".
-Consider changing "to provide nurishment to any" to read "to provide nourishment to any".
-The "Geisha" dialogue; consider changing "Never mind your starfleet if your not looking for trouble I suggect not talking to Goleth" to read "Never mind, your Starfleet, if you're not looking for trouble I suggest not talking to Goleth".
-The "Goleth" dialogue; consider changing "Unless your interested in aome non kosher activity then I sagest you don't bother me again" to read "Unless you're interested in some non-kosher activity I suggest you don't bother me again".
-The "Zoey" dialogue; consider changing the response button "can you open the other door please" to read "Can you open the other door please".
-Consider changing "before it's to late" to read "before it's too late".
-Most of the bar patrons look like they are too far forward on the stools.
-The "Snitch" dialogue; consider changing "My brother told me you were commin" to read "My brother told me you were coming".
-Consider changing "If you can rember the password I will make Zoeys ilegal terminal visible to you" to read "If you can remember the password I will make Zoey's illegal terminal visible to you".
-Consider changing "I am now free of the dept to my brother" to read "I am now free of the debt to my brother".
-Consider removing the animal, which is labeled "UGC Contact", next to the "Snitch" and put a smaller console there.
-Consider changing the default "Interact" on the console to "Access console" or something along those lines.
-Consider changing "I don't like the Cardassian referance going on here" to read "I don't like the Cardassian reference going on here".
-The "Perhaps we can shut down the program via that terminal" makes no sense. The door triggered while I was still in the middle chamber. Was the "Trap" supposed to trigger after I walked through? Also it should be "shutdown" vice shut down".
-Some of the "Undines" in the battle were labeled “Warriguls”
Andorian Belt: This is a good map design with some good battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "As the klingons say" to read "as the Klingons say".
Utopia Planitia Shipyards Mars: This is a great detailed map design with well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The [OOC] dialogue says "The shipyard is West of your position" but the area on the mini-map and area map are to the East of the spawn point.
-The post "Transport" dialogue; consider changing "Unfortunately your corage may not be nown for some time" to read "Unfortunately your courage may not be known for some time".
Utopia Planitia: This is a good map design. The story dialog is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Sector31" NPC as well as all the visible NPC’s at the spawn point are labeled "UGC Contact".
-There are several NPC’s roaming the upper floor that are labeled "UGC Contact". One that appears to be a "Q" that you can interact with continues to move while you are trying to interact.
Earth Space Dock (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of a Cryptic map as a story point however it is limited by the game itself in that you are offered the chance to reenter the custom maps you just left. I’ll address this in the summary above.
--------End Report Part II---------
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Your custom map design in this mission is pretty good despite a few minor corrections needed here and there. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
This critique report also filed 03/10/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
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