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-   -   Terror Knocks At The Door (Foundry Series By AdmiralMurphy) (http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=258058)

Archived Post 02-29-2012 01:40 PM

Terror Knocks At The Door (Foundry Series By AdmiralMurphy)
 
Admiral Murphy’s Log Stardate: 87069.9
It gives me great pleasure to see the first transport ship departing from Deep Space 11 today heading for the recently established colony, Frontier Colony. It is the farthest outpost that we currently have, located on the edge of known space in the Gamma Quadrant. We’ve been out here for several years, and still there is so much to explore and find out here, and it doesn’t help to have the Dominion around, still unhappy to see us now in there neck of the woods. That hasn’t stopped us though. Thanks to the hard work of T’prel, a Vulcan scientist from the Vulcan Science Academy, we’ve been able to set up this scientific outpost. Some of the best minds in the Federation are moving to Frontier Colony now from what I’ve heard to be the first to discover what mysteries await us out here…

One Year Later, Current Day…

Hostilities from the Dominion continue, as a raiding party has crossed into Federation territory in the Gamma Quadrant. Starfleet forces are spread thin out here as they attempt to contain the threat. You’ve been selected to help contain these Jem’hadar and prevent them from attacking any more outposts out here. Your assignment is to protect Frontier Colony from several Jem’hadar Attack Ships on their way there.
However, is it only raiding Jem’hadar that you have to worry about?
It’s up to you to protect this far out colony from a not so friendly foe, who unknown to all have been up to something in the Gamma Quadrant, and now, they seek the destruction of Frontier Colony for some reason. It’s up to you to protect Frontier Colony from the dangers that swarm the area, and investigate to solve the mystery of Frontier Colony, and why it’s being targeted by these attacks. Who is really your friend out here, and who is your foe? Terror knocks at the door, and will you answer it?

Terror Knocks at the Door is a four part Foundry Series that features a good chunk of space and ground combat, character interaction with the inhabitants of Frontier Colony, non-combat objectives, a few puzzles, custom created maps, and a mystery that you’ll have to solve, in order to save the lives of Frontier Colony. Work together with the crew of the starship Atlantica, and challenge yourself and crew as you plunge in to the heart of fear itself.

Release Dates:

Terror Knocks at the Door 1/4: Friday, March 2nd
Terror Knocks at the Door 2/4: Friday, March 9th
Terror Knocks at the Door 3/4: Friday, March 16th
Terror Knocks at the Door 4/4: Thursday, March 23rd

Archived Post 03-03-2012 04:13 PM

Sounds great. So whats the total on your missions now?

Archived Post 04-05-2012 05:18 PM

Mission Critique Report - Terror Knocks at the Door 1/4
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AdmiralMurphy
Been checking out your reviews and I've enjoyed reading them! Keep up the great work!

If you could do a review of my latest series, "Terror Knocks at the Door" that would be great. It's a four part series, and I believe you need to be lvl 46 or higher. My @name is @AdmiralMurphy, and I would get you the code # if I could but I can't at this time.

Name: Terror Knocks at the Door 1/4
Author: Admiral Murphy
lvl: 46
Time: 45 mins -60, about your length of an FE.
Faction: Federation

Federation Mission - Terror Knocks at the Door Part 1
Author: AdmiralMurphy
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNB3SM8P5

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with good map design, great dialogue, well designed maps and fun battles. I would recommend this mission to all players who like those elements in a mission.

I noted the use of the response button “Continue” on several dialogue windows. From my point of view it seems a little out of place, especially when being used by the player in response to a BOFF report. For me I use these points to further draw the player in and make them a part of the story. It’s not a huge issue but one I felt needed to be pointed out. However, in the end it is your story to tell and your decision on how to tell it.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice short description, but perhaps a little too short. Consider adding a little more story and intrigue to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue itself is well written, however the additional dialogue, in particular the "Please Note" might better serve its purpose in the description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good use of the mission task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Operations: This is a nice map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue” for the “Commander Dall” dialogue seemed a little out of place. Consider changing it to “Acknowledged” or something along those lines.

Frontier System: This is a good map design with a couple of good battles to keep it interesting. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue” in general seems out of place in most circumstances but in response to a BOFF report seems way out of place. Consider changing it to an acknowledgement of the report.

Frontier Colony: This is a good map design with several good battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”. I will cover this in more detail in my summary.
-The “T’prel” dialogue; the NPC tells the player to travel south through the swamp but the map indicates we should head north of the current position.

Swamp: This is an interesting map design. The battles are good. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-With the battles at the end you should consider removing the note advising the player to leave the BOFF’s behind.
-Consider making the search location apparent on the map for the initial search.

Frontier System#2: This is a good map design with a nice battle and story dialogue to wrap up this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the mission design from the maps to the writing and battles. I look forward to playing/reviewing the remaining missions in the series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/05/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.

Archived Post 04-06-2012 05:22 PM

Mission Critique Report - Terror Knocks at the Door 2/4
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AdmiralMurphy
Been checking out your reviews and I've enjoyed reading them! Keep up the great work!

If you could do a review of my latest series, "Terror Knocks at the Door" that would be great. It's a four part series, and I believe you need to be lvl 46 or higher. My @name is @AdmiralMurphy, and I would get you the code # if I could but I can't at this time.

Name:Terror Knocks at the Door 2/4
Author: Admiral Murphy
lvl: 46
Time: 45 mins -60, about your length of an FE.
Faction: Federation

Federation Mission - Terror Knocks at the Door Part 2
Author: AdmiralMurphy
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPAEEUV5J

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission and sequel in the series. The map design is well done with tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written and intriguing. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves good map design, tough battles, and a good story. If that sounds like you then you want to play this mission and the series.

Some of the spawn points and map usage needs a little work. For example it seemed that the “Frontier Colony#3” and “Swamp Land” maps could have been combined into one map by using the area you send the player to trigger the map transition from the “Frontier Colony#3” map to the “Swamp Land” map. It seemed as if both map elements could have been combined into the one map, which saves map transfers for the player.

I mention the spawn point on a couple of the maps. Consider moving the spawn point on the “Frontier Colony#3” and “Frontier Colony#4” maps closer to the initial mission tasks for those maps. For the “Frontier Colony#3” map it would make more sense to place the player closer to the scientist since the lab equipment was also beamed down to her location. For the “Frontier Colony#4” it would place the player much closer to the action and remove the need to run half way across the map.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice short description. Consider adding a little more story and intrigue to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue needs additional dialogue in a similar way as I describe for the description. The post "Accept" dialogue is very well written; however consider changing the response button "Continue" to something more in line with the dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with prompt.

MAPS:
Medical Wing 2: This is a good map design with some nice tasks. I like the conversation with the patient. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Frontier Colony#2: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is short but well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding the other colonists dialogue to a general mission task designed to help the colonists.
-The "Rilinka" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Alright, we're handle it" to read "Alright, we'll handle it".

Orbital Laboratory: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-Consider adding more debris in the passageway leading to the cargo bay.

Frontier Colony#3: The map design is good. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Swamp Lands: Overall it is a good map design but it almost feels as if it could have been combined with the “Frontier Colony#3” map. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Cave System: This is a good map design with some nice battles. The story dialogue is very intriguing and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-Consider placing the “Access Main Computer” console on the platform so when the player goes up on the platform it is clearly visible.

Cave System Level 2: This is a great map design with some tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written.
-Consider placing some canister type object or something along those lines when the player places a charge.

Frontier Colony#4: This is a good map design with some tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the initial spawn point for this map closer to the colony.
-Consider making the swarms separate tasks that trigger when the player arrives at the next fight location. There is a couple of the battles that were over before I got there and one where the support troops were wiped out before I got there.
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-The "Summergale" dialogue; consider changing "Know we know why the Undine targeted us" to read "Now we know why the Undine targeted us".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission sequel in the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next mission in the series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/06/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.

Archived Post 04-06-2012 08:58 PM

Mission Critique Report - Terror Knocks at the Door 3/4
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AdmiralMurphy
Been checking out your reviews and I've enjoyed reading them! Keep up the great work!

If you could do a review of my latest series, "Terror Knocks at the Door" that would be great. It's a four part series, and I believe you need to be lvl 46 or higher. My @name is @AdmiralMurphy, and I would get you the code # if I could but I can't at this time.

Name: Terror Knocks at the Door 3/4
Author: Admiral Murphy
lvl: 46
Time: 45 mins -60, about your length of an FE.
Faction: Federation

Federation Mission - Terror Knocks at the Door Part 3
Author: AdmiralMurphy
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFLNQ4TGO

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission and sequel in the series. The map design is excellent with tough, but fun battles throughout. The story dialogue is good and very detailed. If you like a great story combined with excellent map design and tough battles then I would highly recommend this mission and the series.

On the “Frontier Colony#3” map I mention the use of triggered optional dialogue. This gives the player a trigger, when they approach an NPC rather than standard dialogue interact symbols that remain even after the player has read them. This can be done with triggers on the map that pop up when the player gets near the NPC. The player can choose to talk to the colonist or not. If they choose to the option would go away after it is read by the player. I’ve seen it used in other mission and have used it myself. It really gives the author a lot of flexibility to give alternate dialogue as well as more depth to the story.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice short description. As with the other two missions, consider adding a little more story and intrigue to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue needs additional dialogue in a similar way as I describe for the description. The post "Accept" dialogue is very well written; however consider changing the response button "Continue" to something more in line with the dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Frontier System: This is a good map design with a good battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-Consider moving the spawn point closer to the battle. It felt like there was no need to have to fly half way across the map to get into the fight.

Dominion Outpost: This is a great map design with tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-Consider moving the spawn point closer to the initial objectives.

Dominion Base: This is a great map design with tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue was well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Dominion Outpost#2: This is a good map design with a very tough battle. The story dialogue is very well written and intriguing. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The USS Atlanitca was destroyed by the Undine ships before I could even engage. Consider adding additional friendly ships, or move the spawn point closer to the fight, or tone down the bad guys.
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Frontier Colony#3: This is a nice map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-Consider changing all of the NPC optional dialogue that acts as filler to the story to triggered dialogue that is completed once the player interacts with the NPC.

T’prel’s Office: This is a great map design. The story dialogue is very well written and detailed. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-The "Search Main Computer" dialogue; consider changing: "Just something I learned a while ago into bypassing a security code like this" to read "Just something I learned a while ago to bypass a security code like this".
-The "Personal Logs" dialogue; consider changing "She never made a log about" to read "She never made an entry about".

Frontier System#2: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission sequel and the series so far. I am looking forward to playing/reviewing part 4 next.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/06/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.

Archived Post 04-07-2012 10:07 AM

Mission Critique Report - Terror Knocks at the Door 4/4
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AdmiralMurphy
Been checking out your reviews and I've enjoyed reading them! Keep up the great work!

If you could do a review of my latest series, "Terror Knocks at the Door" that would be great. It's a four part series, and I believe you need to be lvl 46 or higher. My @name is @AdmiralMurphy, and I would get you the code # if I could but I can't at this time.

Name: Terror Knocks at the Door 4/4
Author: Admiral Murphy
lvl: 46
Time: 45 mins -60, about your length of an FE.
Faction: Federation

Federation Mission - Terror Knocks at the Door Part 4
Author: AdmiralMurphy
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDH9LI3Z3

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission and wrap up to the series. The map design was good with lots of tough battles. The story dialogue was very well written. I would highly recommend this mission and the entire series to all players who like good map design combined with lots of tough battles and good story dialogue.

I noted on some of the maps towards the end some of the fighting either seemed to be done before the player could engage or on the “Frontier System” map the player is completely out gunned. It occurred to me that this map was intended to have support vessels present and they were destroyed before the player even materialized or finished reading the initial dialogue. This is still a great mission and series, but I thought you might want to balance that last fight a little more.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice short description. As with the other three missions, consider adding a little more story and intrigue to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue needs additional dialogue in a similar way as I describe for the description. The post "Accept" dialogue is a nice recap of the previous mission and a good preview of what is to come. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Fluidic Space: This is a good map design with optional engagements all around. The design and location of those engagements is very well done and yes you can avoid them if you pay attention to where you are going. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-The "Player" dialogue; consider changing "There are dozens of Starfleet Officers that need" to read "There are dozens of Starfleet personnel that need". This is a minor story point, but there would be both Officers and Enlisted personnel that run a starship ship.
-Consider ending the “Player” dialogue with the “Understood” dialogue in the response button.

Earth Space Dock Replica: This is a really good map design with a lot of tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written.
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-Post "Talk with Commander Dall" there is another "Talk to Commander Dall" button that comes up. It seems odd and based on the rest of the map tasks seems to not be needed.
-The "Hannah" dialogue; consider changing "From one thing I don't like" to read "For one thing I don't like".
-Consider changing "possible chance in alerting Starfleet to who" to read "possible chance of alerting Starfleet who".
-The "Commander Jeral" dialogue; consider changing "will take notice to you setting up" to read "will take notice of you setting up".
-The last pattern enhancer is buried in the deck.

Earth Space Dock Replica#2: This is a good map design with more than enough tough battles to satisfy the most diehard player. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-The pattern enhancer is buried in the deck.

Earth Space Dock Replica#3: This is a good map design with very intense battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

U.S.S. Atlantica: This is a nice map design with good dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The spawn point seems to be too close to a bulkhead, which causes the rest of the away team to spawn in the middle of the bridge.
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Fluidic Space#2: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Frontier System: This is an interesting map design with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-Plot point, there were no other friendly ships present during the battle with the “Tag Alongs”, yet the “Dominion NPC” thanked me for my assistance. Also the “Commander Dall” dialogue seems out of place since there is no USS Atlantica present either.

Frontier Colony#3: This is a good map and a nice wrap to the mission and series. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this mission and the entire series. It is riveting from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/07/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.


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