Sisyphean Ordeal, A Temopral Loop Daily
Mission Title: Sisyphean Ordeal
Your @Handle: @Gingie
Mission ID: ST-HPTJ83O6G
Faction: Fed (With Possible KDF version)
Level Requirement: Any
Fair warning, this is a linear story based non combat mission.
A routine patrol of the Psi Canis Sector bock is interrupted by a distress call from the planet Tartarus. A massive comet is threatening to impact and destroy the planet, spreading debris and deadly radiation across the entire sector. However there is no sign of any source for the distress call. There is something very odd about all this and a strange sense of Deja’vu.
I really enjoyed playing this mission! :)
Mission Critique Report - Sisyphean Ordeal
Project ID: ST-HPTJ83O6G
Summary: This is a great mission with good story dialogue and excellent map designs. You have definitely captured the look, and feel of a Star Trek episode with this mission. I would highly recommend this mission to all players.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a very intriguing and well written description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "at the edge of [system name] and continue" to read "at the edge of the [MissionInfo]JFS 47 System[/MissionInfo] and continue".
Mission Task: This task is okay; consider adding the sector block as well. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
JFS 47: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. It feels like the start of a Star Trek episode. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Scan Report" dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]You science officer sighs and adds with a sarcastic tone[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Your science officer sighs and adds with a sarcastic tone[/OOC]".
Tartarus 6: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Tartarus 6#2: This is a good map design with excellent and very detailed story dialogue. It does seem familiar too. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Tartarus 6#3: This is a good map design with excellent and very detailed story dialogue… Wait that sounds familiar… But this does not, ;) I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Something about the planet's core it odd" to read "Something about the planet's core is odd".
-Consider changing "It the decalithium ignites" to read "If the decalithium ignites".
-Consider changing "Decalithium is a veluable comodity" to read "Decalithium is a valuable commodity".
-Consider changing "the comet our of the planet's pull" to read "the comet out of the planet's pull".
-Consider changing "we could theoreticly take it into warp" to read "we could theoretically take it into warp".
-Consider changing the response button "Theorecticly" to read "Theoretically".
JFS 47#2: This is a great map design with very well written story dialogue and is great wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Brakeing thrusters have fired" to read "Braking thrusters have fired".
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
This critique report also filed 05/15/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
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