The Empire's Dark Day (a KDF Mission)
Mission Name: The Empire's Dark Day
Minimum Level: Any
Estimated Mission Length: 45min to 1 hour
The Federation has decided that now is a good time for an assault on Qo'Nos. They have in effect taken out orbital assests and are working on the ground to try and remove the council and all aspects of Klingon Life.
You are the sole hope of the Empire as resources are stretched thin to repel these invaders.
Discover why they are attacking and protect the Empire all in an Epic of our time.
Head to JFS 47 System in the Pi Canis Sector to start.
Part 1 of a 3 part series
Mission Critique Report Part 1 - The Empire's Dark Day
Project ID: ST-HNF68C43C
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Summary: This is a good combat oriented mission with many extremely tough battles throughout. There is some story dialogue here and there but you should consider adding a few more to help drive the story a little more. By the way the mission is way longer than an hour even without my note taking. I would recommend this mission to any player who likes a lot of very tough battles and very little dialogue; however it was extremely tough on normal so I would not recommend you try this mission on elite level.
The need to balance the battles applies to every map with combat. You have several enemy mobs on top of each other starting on the “Qo’noS Orbit” map and continuing on “Federation Assault Great Hall Grounds” map with extra mobs that appear as you finish off the initial groups. You did spread out the first couple of battles on the “Clean the Federation Vermin” map but most were still high level groups. Later in that map you began to cluster the groups again. I like combat but the set up was too much and after a while it became tedious. On the “Qo’noS Orbit” map I mention that the “Final Battle” task did not seem to work correctly. As I triggered the map transfer I did see an interact button “Deactivate Beacon”, so I think there may be a problem with the way you trigger the “Final Battle” and what is consider completion of the map objectives. Without looking directly at your map set up I cannot be sure but you should look at it. The large group engagement at the end of the “Federation Assault Great Hall Grounds” map, but I am not sure about the optional tasks on the “Clean the Federation Vermin” map. I actually got distracted from those optional tasks by the heavy enemy engagements.
Speaking of optional tasks, you placed several on each map and they are a great addition to any mission map; however they did not seem to make any real difference on most of the maps. The use of optional tasks and dialogue is a great idea to enhance a mission map and can be difficult to get to execute properly, even for experienced authors. What you’ve done so far is a great start but you should consider making a few tweaks to them. For example the optional rescue tasks on the “Qo’noS Orbit” map, I found all of them as I went to each satellite repair but there was no support for any of the overwhelming engagements at each satellite. Consider changing these triggers to provide assistance at each of the satellites in turn. The way you would execute this is if the player rescues ship “X” then ship “X” appears and helps the player at each satellite engagement after that. If the player does not rescue ship “X” then they receive no help from ship “X”. Those same triggers can be made to disappear if the player fails to rescue that particular ship and repairs that satellite. These optional triggers can also be applied to ground optional tasks you created as well.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the start location to read "[MissionInfo]Head to JFS 47 System in the Pi Canis Sector to start[/MissionInfo]". This will make it stand out.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Starfleet is attacking Qo'nos" to read "Starfleet is attacking Qo'noS".
Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
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Mission Critique Report Part 2 - The Empire's Dark Day
Project ID: ST-HNF68C43C
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The Battle Begins: This is a nice map but it seems unnecessary to the story. The entire dialogue with General H’vantak could have been handled as follow up dialogue from the grant mission dialogue. Then the first custom map start point could be the “Kahless Expanse” right next to Qo’noS. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Ship Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], General H’vantak ship the I.K.S. Kom Tak Pir is directly ahead" with a response button "Plot an intercept course and engage" or something along those lines.
-The "General H'vantak" dialogue; consider changing "You will then proceed at your discretion to achieve the objectives the he will tell you need accomplished" to read "At your discretion achieve the objectives outlined by him".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "At once General" or something along those lines".
-The map transfer dialogue response button; consider changing "Make best time to Qo'Nos Com" to read "Set course to Qo'noS, maximum warp".
Qo’nos Orbit: This is a good map design with extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name from “Qo’nos Orbit” to read “Qo’noS Orbit”.
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Ship Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], the operative’s ship is directly ahead" with a response button "Take us in" or something along those lines.
-The "I.K.S. Mak'tu Mak" dialogue; "orbital defense Satellites that have" to read "orbital defense satellites that have".
-Consider changing "There is also ships that have been disabled" to read "There are ships that have been disabled".
-Balance the combat. You have at least three mobs of enemy engage the player at each satellite repair point. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-The optional rescue "Klingon Warrior" dialogue; consider changing "I will be ready to assist you inthe future" to read "I will be ready to assist you in the future".
-For each of the optional rescue missions consider adding a couple of invisible object to act as a dialogue and interact triggers then you can give each of the ships names. When the player approaches the initial interact button could be “Hail <ship name>”. The dialogue that triggers tells the player what they need. Then another interact button appears for them to beam over the supplies or whatever the issue is.
-The respawn point for “Repair Satellite Group 2” was all the way back at the initial satellite point.
-The “Final Battle” did not do anything except trigger the map transfer dialogue.
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "Now that the Satllites are back online the Federation will have a much harder time to bring in anymore forces and we are moving to reinforce orbital forces" to read "Now that the satellites are back online the Federation will have a much harder time bringing in anymore ships and we are moving to reinforce the system".
Federation Assault Great Hall Grounds: This is a good map design with extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Away Team Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], there is a warrior to our right" with a response button "Let’s go" or something along those lines.
-The "Ground Contact" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] [LastName], it is good you have made it when you did" to read "[Rank] [LastName], it is good to see help has finally arrived".
-I am not sure about a "warrior" or "captain" only willing to help if I find their "house heirlooms". It is a nice attempt to find a reinforcement trigger but I would suggest something like optional dialogue triggers for the "warriors" and "captain" that if triggered by the player they pledge to help fight. Then when the player engages the Federation forces those “warriors” and “captains” will appear and help in the fighting of each Federation engagement. If the player doesn't seek them out they do not appear and help.
-Balance the combat. You have at least two mobs of enemy for the player to engage at each engagement point with additional forces that beam in as you wipe out the initial groups, and on one you have 3 enemy mobs plus the beam in forces. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-Consider cutting down on the smoke and dust in the air. It doesn’t make it more challenging, it makes it annoying.
-The final battle to enter the great hall appeared to work but you should consider adding a trigger point just outside the combat zone near the great hall that when the player reaches it the final battle is triggered.
Clean the Federation Vermin: This is a good map design with extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You should give the player a little dialogue to help push the mission forward. Consider adding an initial dialogue from a Away Team Tactical BOFF that says "[Rank], there is a warrior to our left" with a response button "Let’s go" or something along those lines.
-The optional tasks indicated in the “Task at hand” dialogue is better but consider changing the “experimental weapons” to “gather intelligence on the Federation forces”. Then you place the dialogue triggers at each location of the enemy mobs and have them appear once the mobs have been wiped out. Then you add optional dialogue regarding what was found.
-Balance the combat. You spread out the groups but still have made them all high level engagements. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-Some of the “Remove Team 1” forces are up in the rafters of the main hall. That makes them difficult to find and engage. Consider moving them to the ground floor of the main hall.
-The “Finding the lost” task; consider moving the trigger point further into the room. I did not see the prisoners until after the dialogue was done and I wanted to find out what the NPC was talking about.
-The “Finding the consoles” battles need to be better balanced. You have too many high level mobs engaging the player that it makes it extremely difficult to win. This is hard enough on normal and would be impossible on elite.
-Consider changing the console interact button "Overisde Hall Security" to read "Override Hall Security".
-The mission task states "Reset Primer System" but the button says "Reform Primer Routines".
-Consider adding dialogue from an Away Team BOFF after each console is interacted with indicating what has been fixed.
-The constant shaking combined with the heat waves seem to be unnecessary to the story and are annoying. Consider reducing these once the console tasks are completed.
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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing a combat oriented mission with some nice optional mission tasks that with a little tweaking will be a great addition to the mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
This critique report also filed 06/02/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
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