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pwebranflakes 02-19-2013 07:56 PM

Literary Challenge #39 Discussion Thread

Literary Challenge #39 : Lone Drone

This is the comments thread for Literary Challenge #39 : Lone Drone.
We also have an Index of previous challenges HERE.

Feel free to link directly to the entry you are commenting on. And please remember: we're not here to tear each other up. Do not troll your fellow Captains, give feedback! Let the others know what you liked and disliked. Maybe they can even go back then and tweak their entries!

Let's get those creative juices flowing! :cool:

cmdrscarlet 02-19-2013 08:00 PM



*rubs hands together*

I'm going to LOVE reading the entries for this one :D

ironphoenix113 02-19-2013 08:15 PM

This one will certainly be interesting to write. Can't wait to read the ones that other people post. :D

psycoticvulcan 02-19-2013 09:19 PM

I might give this one a try. It sounds like fun.

takeshi6 02-19-2013 11:14 PM

Currently taking a brief break from STO to play Champions Online, so I probably won't participate, but I'll definitely keep an eye on this thing to see what everyone comes up with. :D

gulberat 02-20-2013 12:25 AM

Certainly considering it. :) We'll see how quickly the idea comes together.

marcusdkane 02-20-2013 02:14 AM

Oh man, I said I didn't want a Borg on my crew, I guess I jinxed it by leaving it in the hands of the LCs :D

cmdrscarlet 02-20-2013 08:30 AM

Oh ... some Borg will *never* become crew ... if you know what I mean ...

marcusdkane 02-20-2013 09:45 AM

Nothing major from me this time, I wanted to keep this one short and punchy...

For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...

T'Natra - Gal Gadot
Amanda Palmer - Courtney Cox
Brandon Mayer - Jason Lewis
Bellic Chanos - Vin Diesel
Rynar Lambert - Stephen Moyer
Ben Kincaid - Colin Farrell
Eleven of Twelve - Susanna Thompson

squatsauce 02-20-2013 09:50 AM

A short, sad entry by MarcusDKane. My only suggestion is to rework the following sentence. It's a bit clunky.

"As the doors closed, a silence fell on the bridge which could have been cut with a knife before Mayer discreetly cleared his throat."

It would read better if it were broken apart and rearranged slightly. Something like this:

"The doors closed and a silence thick enough to cut with a knife descended on the bridge. It hung there for a moment, broken only when Mayer discreetly cleared his throat."

Use your own words, of course, and mold it to your own pleasant style.

EDIT: Woah, it occurs to me this could be interpreted as being insulting! No way! I meant the story was short and that what happened in it was sad. Not that mdk's writing itself was sad. I liked it.

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