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Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 852
Quote:
Originally Posted by eldil1 View Post
I've just posted my first mission, and I would greatly appreciate some feedback.

I like the in-depth information you provide, so I was hoping you could take a look at mine...

Here is my Forum thread

Mission Name: Contact Squared
Author: eldil1
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDKD38CDP
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 minutes

In Game Description:

Thank you in advance for your help...
Federation Mission - Contact Squared
Author: eldil1
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDKD38CDP

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a really good mission, especially considering it is your first mission. The map designs are outstanding, especially the Warp Ship Durken maps. The battles are fun until the last few maps where they become tougher. The story dialogue is excellent but needs a little polishing here and there. The mission is more like an hour to an hour and half but I would still highly recommend this mission to other players but not on Elite.

Below I mention apparently random capitalized words in the dialogue on every map. During the mission the author should reduce the number of distractions as much as possible. Random capitalization of words is most likely not something that everyone would catch but then you did ask me to look. A few examples are given below for the first map but I also found the following ones spread throughout the dialogue on every map;
Conference
Warp Project
Explosive
Timer
Power
Heard
Gas Giant
This list is not inclusive of every instance in the mission dialogue but is intended to give you the idea of what to look for. I did not find any rank capitalization issues at all.

The use of branching dialogue in a mission can be a great way to take a story on a map in a particular direction. When dealing with dialogue coming from a computer it is perfectly acceptable to have the player return to a central dialogue menu. However when dealing with branching NPC or BOFF dialogue returning the player to the exact same root dialogue can be tedious and also distract from the story. Setting up a diminishing response menu option can be time consuming for the author but it does make for better story telling. Based on your work on this mission you have most likely used some tutorials. I have used many of the tutorials on Starbase UGC covering many topics for using the Foundry.

One last thing, I mention below on each map is the use of triggered optional dialogue and tasks. You are already using objects for triggered dialogue and tasks that work pretty well. If you are using objects you have to hide I would suggest using invisible objects on space, ground, and interior maps. I typically use the 10FT invisible object for triggered dialogue and tasks. Some of dialogue, objects and tasks need a little adjustment in when they become visible or disappear. For optional dialogue a good rule of thumb is it should only remain visible if the player may need to refer back to it. This is where the visibility triggers come in handy. Once a player has passed the task where the optional dialogue would help it should be removed. That is one of the reasons I push the triggered optional dialogue and discourage the NPC optional dialogue.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue were well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The initial mission task should have the start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

MAPS:
Malcor III: This is a good map design with fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialogue; consider changing "Captain, the Malcorian Space Station is Hailing us" to read "Captain, the Malcorian Space Station is hailing us".
-The "Commander Alrin Kaleth" dialogue; consider changing "aboard the Warp Vessel for a small dedication ceremony" to read "aboard the warp vessel for a small dedication ceremony"
-The "Hail the Shuttle" dialogue; consider changing "Captain, the Shuttle's transponder code doesn't match" to read "Captain, the shuttle's transponder code doesn't match"
-The "Admiral Flores" dialogue; consider changing "Tread Carefully Captain" to read "Tread carefully Captain".
-Consider changing the response button "Lets try hailing them one more time" to read "Let's try hailing them one more time".
-The "Shuttle Pilot" dialogue; consider changing "Filthy Aliens" to read "Filthy aliens".
-The "Rescue the Chancellor" dialogue; consider changing "I can't, Sir" to read "I can't, sir
-Consider changing "They're leaking Radiation" to read "They're leaking radiation"
-Consider changing "get me within Five Kilometers" to read "get me within five kilometers".
-Consider changing "hit a Quantum filament" to read "hit a quantum filament".
-Consider using invisible objects for your triggers. They will show up on the mini-map as long as they are part of the task. I will note this other maps and cover it in the summary above.
-You have a number of what appear to be random capitalized words in both dialogue and response buttons. There are several examples are above. From this point I will note the maps I find them on and cover it in my summary above.
-The post "Deliver Shuttle Crew" dialogue; consider changing "We had recieved credible" to read "We had received credible".
-The use of "Go Back" to take the player to the previous selection so they can continue is a little annoying. Consider having continuous dialogue trees where possible. You actually did have reducing choices for dialogue directions on later maps. I will note this other maps and cover it in my summary.

Warp Ship Durken: This is a great map design with several fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider correcting apparently random capitalized words.
-Consider adding a task before the "Return to the Admiral" where the player to roams around the room and talk to the other NPCs.
-Consider using triggered optional dialogue instead of optional NPC contact dialogue. The triggered optional dialogue can be set to go away after the player interacts with it or remain. I will cover this in my summary above.
-Consider having continuous dialogue trees where possible.
-Consider adding interaction animation for the player interactions with objects and consoles.
-The "Crewman Mirik Dranel" dialogue; consider changing "codes were reset after the attack.We don't keep" to read codes were reset after the attack. We don't keep".

Malcor VII: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider correcting apparently random capitalized words.
-Consider having continuous dialogue trees where possible.
-Consider using invisible objects for your triggers.
-Consider changing "Thank Captain [LastName], Once again" to read "Thank you Captain [LastName], once again".

Garth System: This is a great map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider correcting apparently random capitalized words.
-Consider using invisible objects for your triggers.
-Consider changing "Captain, Who is attacking us" to read "Captain, who is attacking us".

Warp Ship Durken: This is a great map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider correcting apparently random capitalized words.
-Consider using triggered optional dialogue.
-Consider adding interaction animation for the player interactions with objects and consoles.
-Consider having continuous dialogue trees where possible.
-The post "Disable Coolant system" dialogue; consider changing "I've disnengaged the safeties" to read "I've disengaged the safeties"
-The "New devices" were already visible before we engaged the Borg. Consider making them appear after the second or third "Hold off the Borg" task.
-The button for interacting with "Isrin" has the default "Interact" label. Consider changing the button to read "Check Isrin" or something along those lines. Also consider making the button appear after the plasma leak has been sealed and the fire is out.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I really enjoyed it. I look forward to playing/reviewing the second part to this mission and more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/06/2013 on forum posting for: "Contact Squared Part 1"
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".