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Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5,435
# 3
11-21-2013, 10:25 AM
StarSword-C's Detailed Review of "Healing Old Wounds" by @aleniskendra, Stardate 91462.85 (11/09/2013). Originally posted here.

I tested this using the USS Bajor NCC-97238, a Galaxy-class exploration cruiser with a semi-canonical budget loadout.

I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.


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Mission offer popup is a little clinical, and based on the storyline you could have easily been more unique and used the Cryptic map Hathon itself as the starting point rather than going to the overused console at Earth Spacedock.

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Map "Warp":

Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.

Map transition dialogue:
-- Player: "Go to Warp7 !" -> "Go to Warp 7!"

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Map "Plotting a course through Bajoran space":

Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest. Hathon, Bajor's capital city, is available as a Cryptic map and could easily be used as the mission starting point instead of running through two unnecessary maps.

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Map "Bajoran Surface":

The map is extremely empty. What I would have done instead is build an interior map (your contact's house, or whatever) reached via the Hathon Cryptic map, or possibly just have the entire conversation with your contact done over a screen and then enter the mission proper from one of the map's entry points.

Failing that, use the Bajoran System as the mission entry point from sector space (I think we can do that but I haven't checked). Use the costume designer to randomly generate several Bajoran costumes and scatter them about the mission. You can also reskin Federation mobs as Bajorans and use the "Patrol" behavior to get groups of people walking around. If you haven't already done so, I recommend you take a look at Kirkfat's tutorial videos for more information on NPC behavior settings (I don't have the link handy but it's in the Useful Links thread in my forum signature under Guides IIRC).

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Map "Deep Space Nine (Space)":

Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.

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Map "Deep Space Nine (Station)":

Similar problem as the Hathon map: The place could use some livening up. You don't need the whole station, though: Consider blocking off part of it (maybe the sections down- and up-spin from spawn and your contact are closed off for maintenance and blocked off with barricades of some sort).

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Map "Warp to Cardassia":

Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.

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Map "Cardassian Space":

Convo with True Way captain:
-- Consider using a premade Cardassian costume for the captain so you can get the uniform.

Fight comments:
-- Setting issue: The True Way are Cardassian ultra-nationalists. I don't personally see them using Nausicaan hired guns; they'd be more likely to use their own people. I'd swap the Nausicaans out for Cardie mobs.
-- Side comment: Whatever guff people give Cryptic's version of the Galaxy-class starship in this game, I'd forgotten how good the USS Bajor looked with all batteries firing, and how fun it is to surprise mobs with a rear-facing torpedo launcher. Torpedo: Spread I + Quantum Torpedo Launcher Mk X [Acc] [CrtD] = cool win.

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Map "Conference Room":

Map could be removed without affecting story flow. If it were me, I would place an invisible object on the previous map, with the activation animation being the transporter beam. You then make the conversation with the Cardassians a storyboard dialogue. And then maybe while you were grabbing them, the True Way captain called for reinforcements.

Convo with Alket and Taselle:
-- Dialog header: "Memory Alpha is reknowned, even on Cardassia Prime." -> "Memory Alpha is renowned, even on Cardassia Prime."

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Map with transwarp conduit (didn't catch the name):

Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest. Or, in this case, you could have had the True Way captain call for reinforcements.

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Map "Exiting Transwarp":

Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.

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Map "Memory Alpha":

Map's first couple of rooms are very empty and could use additional details like consoles and equipment and the like.

You should use the "Legacy Contact" behavior for Nurse Rassa. That way she won't spam her chat bubble. See Kirkfat's tutorial videos for more information on how to program "Legacy Contact" behavior.

Taselle, Alket, and Laakar should just have their names over their heads when you mouse over them. You should change the contacts' names (not the costumes, just their instances on the map) to the characters' names.

Fight with the Circle:
-- Consider having an NPC explain who the Circle are, for the benefit of players who haven't seen the season two premiere of Deep Space Nine. I have watched those episodes recently and I only remembered who they were a few minutes later.
-- On a technical perspective, the Bajoran assassins all have numbers after them. You should change each actor to just "Bajoran Assassin". As for the mobs used, I don't have a problem with your choice of Orions for reskinning, though I personally would have used reskinned True Way. (In Deep Space Nine, Cardassian and Bajoran small arms shoot the same color phaser beam, given that the latter stole most of their weapons from the former.)

The Breen NPC is titled "Breen Commander Science Male 01". Consider naming him something unique.

The console for objective "Identify which viral proteins must be disabled." has an unattached screen that is currently floating in midair. Consider changing consoles or backing it up against something.

Objectives could be less wordy. Conciseness matters for these a lot more than it does for character dialogue (people run off at the mouth, objectives should be short and to-the-point).

Side comment: Teehee, I get to perform experiments on one of those annoying little puffballs!

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Map "Return to Beta Ursae Sector Block":

Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.

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Map about returning to Bajor (didn't catch the title):

Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.

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Map "Bajor Planet (End)":

I bypassed the force field by walking in from the side of the building before I realized the guard was out in front of it. You either need more force fields, or you need to place it blocking the door itself (I personally would do the latter: it's less work).

Cure crate is floating about 0.1 meters off the ground (guesstimating). I would turn off snap-to-grid temporarily and adjust its y-coordinate.

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Map "Bajoran Space Final":

Map is completely superfluous and could easily be removed without affecting mission flow in the slightest.

The spawn point is inside Bajor's atmosphere and most Starfleet ships really aren't supposed to go any lower than low orbit. I would move the spawn point further away from the planet.

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Overall Score: 2/5.

Pros: The story concept is good and the dialogue is usually okay.

Cons: The dialogue is a bit flat at times (for example: Taselle just had her father get murdered right in front of her, but then in the next room she's all business). And the maps need work. Easily half of them could be culled completely without really affecting anything, and the ones to keep are awfully empty.

EDIT: aleniskendra is doing a revamp of the mission. I'll re-review when s/he's finished.
Capt. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

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Last edited by starswordc; 11-21-2013 at 11:27 AM.