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Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 871
Quote:
Originally Posted by admirison View Post
Might I request a review for my latest mission, "Alliances and Alignments"? It's been published for a few days now, but it hasn't received any ratings. Kind of sad...

Thank you!
Federation Mission - Alliances and Alignments
Author: admirison
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HCJ2IS7ST

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good combination grind and story mission. The map designs are good with several challenging battles throughout and well written story dialogue. If you like a good combination of long, tough battles and good story dialogue then I would recommend this mission to you, although not on Elite level.

Below I mentioned I recommended changing the interact dialogue to be triggered dialogue. While this is not actually an issue it should be considered by authors as an alternative. If the dialogue is not required for the player to complete the mission then they do not have to trigger the dialogue. If they do choose to read the dialogue and it is not needed as a reminder of something then it will disappear after it is completed. This removes the multitude of interact icons on the mini-map and the compass.

One last thought on the dialogue portion of this mission. Since this is a heavy battle oriented mission combined with a story you should consider giving the player the ability to summarize each line of dialogue. To do this I recommend adding a "Skip Dialogue" button which provides the player with a summary of the specific information they need to carry on with the mission.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a well written description but needs a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the sector block to the initial task. This will help the player find your mission start point. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this entry prompt.

MAPS:
Gobodo System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Gobodo Station: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-This is not necessarily an actual issue but more of a preference. Consider changing the interact dialogue to be triggered dialogue. From this point forward I will note the maps where I see it and will cover this more in depth in the summary above.

Garid System: This is a good map design with several challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Garid Surface: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Salleroy System: This is a good map design with several challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Starbase 877: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Interact dialogue vice be triggered dialogue.

Ravio System: This is a good map design with several challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Ravio Surface: This is a good map design with several challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name to "Ravio Command Center".
-Consider moving the enemy mobs away from the spawn point. It makes it difficult to read the initial dialogue once you spawn if you are being immediately engaged.
-When talking to Ambassador Qa'caQ towards the end of the map he does not appear behind the force field. There is a bat'leth there but I do not see the Ambassador.

Ravio Orbit: This is a good map design with several good battles and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. While I generally do not like grind missions the addition of the story made it more enjoyable for me. You did a good job developing this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 12/29/2013 on forum posting for: "Worlds of the Federation"...now live!
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".