Emergency Downtime (February 1, 2010)
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Join Date: Dec 2007
02-01-2010, 03:26 PM
Originally Posted by
THIS WAS ORIGIONALLY POSTED BY SOMEONELSE BEFORE FORUMN DIED I LAUGHED MY ASS OF FOR A GOOD 20 MINUTES THEN THE SERVER SUTDOWN
RE POSTING FOR MAX EXPOSER
I've been trolling alot, and I've thought about how upset and frustrated we all are. I also took time to look at it from Cryptic's eyes...this is what I evnisioned:
CEO: Reroute ALL power from the game server to the forum...we've had another expected crash!
IT Officer: But sir! The game server...the forums...they'll...
CEO: Shut up and do it! I know what I'm doing!
IT Officer: Aye sir!
Company Intercom: Warning! Server meltdown in progress! Cut primary relays to avert meltdown. DecaDuoQuad Processors overheating! Playtime Inhibitors activated! Game Server offline! Forum integrity at 5%. Twenty seconds remaining until castostphic epic failure!
IT Officer: Primary Re-relays cut! DecaDuoQuad Processors ejected! Dual-Polarizing Forum Network....wait!!!!
GM Officer: Sir! Fifty-Thousand Trekker-Class Customers decloaking off the starbard and port bow!
CEO: RAISE FORUM FLAME SHIELDS!!!!! Fire ALL cut-n-paste excuses, 4 hour delays, and vague updates!!!!
Company Fire Alarm: Beep! Beep! Beep! Red Alert! Fire on forums!
IT Officer: Sir! ZOMG, They're starting to post!!!!
CEO: Brace for impact! Grab the extinguisers...and....the "1,000 Bad Excuses for Dummies" manual!!!!
Company Janitor/FX Manager: *Excuse* *Reply* *Fanboy* *Post* *Flame* *Flying Sparks and Fog Machine*
Company Teleprompter: All employees throw yourselves to the LEFT!!! NO! THE OTHER LEFT!!! Good!!!
Redshirt Employee #1: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Pew pew pew pew pew!
CEO: God Damage Report!
Company Bean Counter: Profits down by 50%, 200 employees quit, 50,000 angry suicidal customers, 100 bad reviews, 220 emergency down times, fires on floors 5 and 6, server damaged beyond repair, forum integrity failing fast...
CEO: This is the CEO...All employees abandon company! I repeat: ALL employees abandon company! Activate Auto-Epicfail-Selfbankrupt, twenty day silent countdown! Transfer all remaining funds to my private Swiss bank accounts! Authorization Code: 1 2 3 4 5...Activate!
Company Intercom: Attention! Auto-Epicfail-Selfbankrupt initiated! Transfersing all remaining funds to Swiss bank accounts! Twenty day silent countdown, there will be no futher notice. Please walk calmly to the fore and aft escapedoors. Do NOT run! Unemployment checks will be sent out in two months. Goodluck!
CEO: Everyone! Get out of here...and...get the investors and stockholders to the escapedoors...MOVE!
Officers: Yes sir! Yes sir! Sir! Aye Sir! Pew pew!
CEO: YOU! Whats your name kid!
Redshirt Employee #2: Doner, Braindon Doner, sir!
CEO: Well Doner, it was nice serving with you, whatever your job was...see you at the next job!
Doner: I was the Janitor. Sir?...She was a fine...
CEO: DONT! Please!
Doner: Sorry sir! Do you think they're make another?
CEO: Well, there's only one letter left in the alphabet, unless they do double letters...
Doner: Yes sir you're right! I'll see you at the next company!
CEO: No you wont! Clean the floors and you can go. Shoo, out of my way!
Company Intercom: Attention! Internet access discontinued due to unpaid bills. Financial transfers to Swiss bank accounts canceled! Hello...Hello?
CEO: CRYPTICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!!!!!!!! PEW PEW PEW!
PEW PEW PEW!
LOL AWSOME CHEESE, LOVE TO YOU MAN