My Foundry Saga's
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Join Date: Dec 2007
01-21-2011, 10:52 AM
I've played and reviewed the first three of your 6-mission story arc... well done, but I think some more polish in the dialogue is in order... seems like the review I pm'd you would apply to the first 3 missions and not just #3.
I understand the difficulty in editing one's own work. Your perspective is not very valid compared to someone who did not write it and know what it is supposed to be about.
The proper rationing of information and switching from the Cryptic Style of the players Captain being told what to do at all times - to the Author making the players Captain actually Command his BO's is an important evolution in writing style that takes some time to comprehend and properly execute...
However, I believe that exploring this method brings the player into the story more as a protagonist than we normally see in standard missions. I personally can't stand to be lectured by an underling... it is a simple matter to switch things around and have the Captain ask the questions first and then receive a properly terse response or to use multiple dialogue boxes to break up multiple paragraphs...
If a conversation moves beyond one paragraph between characters I would break it up and add player responses or questions or orders to avoid the Text Overload...
The actual amount of information remains the same... but is broken up into manageable pieces for the player to digest while still "feeling" like they are in command.
I know this is a re-hash of what I PM'd you before, but I thought that other authors could benefit from this...
All this is, of course, my opinion and I hope some will find it helpful...