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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
04-05-2011, 08:42 PM
Hi there,

I ran both missions and for a quick review but more in-depth, I have the following (WARNING SOME SPOILERS SO I COLORED THE TEXT BLACK, HIGHLIGHT TO SEE IT):

  • Space combat always fun, 1st one had an ok amount. Second one would also have good amount in the end there but if you put more weight in it the effect would be better. What I mean is, why would the Klingon empire send so much ships against poor lil' ol me? Single ship (this would be more/more heavy if multiple players, too).
  • There is a plot there and I can see it. The big points were hit and I know what the series is all about. Defectors from voyager show now want starfleet help that's intro, put virus into more borg ships so we can free up more borg on the second.
  • Putting Klingons in there really puts 2 villains in the series which is tricky to pull off especially if the 2nd villain has no hook or vested interest, as in part 1. So in part 2 sounds like assimilated klinks but they really shouldn't be driving klingon vessels, unless he's a singular assimilated with his own army of klingons. The 1st villain, is of course, the un-freed borg, which should be hunting these guys down. I'm already fighting them inside the cube...
  • Fluff/structure wise try to not look like what's already in the game. In other words, the 1st one felt like an exploration mission scan 5 things and in between there may be 2 - 3 encounters. Either that or hide it better with dialogue.
  • Just black space as background tends to vanilla your scene. Pick a better backdrop with more clouds/colors.
  • Dialogue wise, try not to put in walls of text it will turn off players. Even if you have to spread your text over 2 or more panels it's better than a whole page on a panel. Think of writing in newspaper style as it were. If you pick up a newspaper, it is seldom more than 3 - 4 sentences long per paragraph.
  • Dialogue itself is a little disjointed... think more in prose like how you would hold a conversation, but of course more "trek" like.


Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilMark443 View Post
Thank you for your review Gryphoner, I'll make some changes tomorrow after work. I'm wondering if you can help me with one of your comments though regarding the Klingons. In the first mission, they are there simply to add some combat, the fact that they are klingon is circumstantial, though a bit more believable then say breen since there are klingon and fed fleets in gamma orionis. The second mission is meant to introduce the primary villain, who is unaffiliated with the klinks in part one. How can I better establish this so the player is not confused? Or should I just leave it a mystery until part 3?
SPOILER AGAIN TEXT IN BLACK:

Dialogue can play good tricks and hides to flesh it out. In the 2nd ep all I was concerned about was to upload that virus. As a whole all my concern was get the freed borg some help or "to our side". Then AFTER I defeated the klingon horde the borg klink pops up in dialogue. At the very very least, switch it so that the dialogue pops up before the klinks show up and attack me. That way it's immediate association that the guy has those ships.