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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
04-23-2011, 08:07 AM
Not a bad mission at all. One of the things I did appreciate about the map was the attention to atmosphere.

However, I feel torn about some aspects of it. Namely, scanning the 5 crates for your cargo manifest check. I didn't think it was necessary, particularly for your ship captain. It also didn't particularly add anything to the story or the characters.

So if there was a need for it, it wasn't entirely clear. If you wanted to get across thoroughness I think it could be done in a more interesting way.

My greatest qualm is the reference to you shooting one of your shuttles. Your science officer tells you that your shuttle pilot got smart with you and you forced him out in a shuttle and shot him down.

This was funny, however, you might want to alter that somehow through dialogue. I generally try to keep my dialogue between 'renegade' and 'paragon' ala Mass Effect. Essentially, one branch gives off smart-ass or violent statements, the other is cool and nonabrasive.

Personally, I don't feel a Klingon would destroy a shuttle to punish an officer. That leaves them without a shuttle, frankly. Some violent captains would, but I wouldn't.

I'm just saying, in that moment, you spoke actions FOR the player. As a table-top RPG gamer, it's a big violation.

Otherwise, good intro into an arc I liked it a lot, looking forward to seeing the next part.

If it would be fair to you, would you mind scoping out 'The Hunt'? You have a good eye for establishing atmosphere, so I think our projects are very like-minded.

If not, I enjoyed your tale!