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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 21
05-24-2011, 03:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mygod_itsfullofstars

Kali-fal

I liked the alternate beginning story--not back to Vega. I also liked the way you set the context. Just a quick grammatical note: it should be "ground" not "grinded." Lastly, you might change the way you refer to the Andorian. I know this is soft canon, but I've occassionally heard that Andorians have 4 genders. If you added some reference to that, it might up the Trekiness of your story.
Nice catch! I have to admit I did my story when I was really, really tired. And I'm really bad about proofreading my own writing.

And yeah, I did consider adding in the 'proper' (albeit soft canon) gender name for the andorian, but I wanted to make it understandable to the average reader who may not know the various genders of the andorian people, and might have been confused. Although if I do something similar in the future, I might phrase it a bit better to include both the Trek term and equate it with a real world term.