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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
07-04-2011, 07:28 PM
More Reasons Why Playing On The KDF Is An Exercise In Frustration:
  • The Bank - On Qo'noS the symbol on the bank selection screen (personal or fleet) is the UFP symbol, not the KDF symbol (seen here in this tricorder scan). Aren't we at war with the Federation? Why are they handling our banking needs? I think I may know why the Empire isn't doing better against Starfleet...
  • The Food - No tacos (or burritos, pizza, salads, sandwiches, et. al.). Those are all weak Federation foods and real warriors don't eat those. Whatever. Keep your squealing Targ and your squirming Gagh. I'll have a Vulcan potato with Saurian chili, thank you.
  • Administrator Ferdig - Ah yes. The Deferi. The sweet, balanced, weak Deferi. Why Chancellor J'mpok wants them as allies is beyond me, but I will obey his commands to help them. It was only my sense of duty to the Chancellor that saved Administrator Ferdig's worthless life when he praised Starfleet (Starfleet!!!) after me and my crew saved his outpost from the Breen. Here is an image from my sensor logs of this incident.
  • Not Enough Bathrooms - Seriously. WTF were the ship designers thinking?! I'm an Orion captaining a battlecruiser filled with swarthy Klingons, clammy Gorn and uber-macho Nausicaans, all of whom eat lots of red meat and very few vegetables. Lemme tell you, the Gorn's digestion is as unevolved as their appearance. I've already lost three crewmen when they were assigned to waste reclamation maintenance (two were accidents, one challenged his superior when given the assignment and was killed).
  • Lieutenant Commander Kultan and his blasted Arenas - Were it within my power to kill this petaQ in a slow, painful manner I would do so without hesitation. His incessant gibbering about Arenas whenever I return to the Great Hall on Qo'noS is enough to make a Dahar Master weep. I believe his mother was a Ferengi.
  • The Smell - See forth point, above. Two words: meat sweats. Bathing isn't high on the KDF training priorities and apparently the best warriors are supposed to have body odor as lethal as their bat'leth skills. Set disruptors to deodorize.
  • Device-loving Bridge Crew - My senior officers seem to find devices of any kind so fascinating that, when I order them to destroy it, they rush forward and try to shield it with their bodies. None of my cajoling or threatening dissuades this behavior. So I just fire through them. Here is a tricorder scan of this disturbing behavior.