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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 14
08-08-2011, 05:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capulet View Post
A few more. Plot a course to Sol and your helm will ensure you wander to close to the delta cluster. This of course brings you to a stop.

Helm: Do you wish to enter Delta?
Me: /em facepalm No I said Sol! You know that place Star Fleet supposedly taught you how to pilot this ship?

Of course helm doesn't always loop far left around obstacles. No sometimes my helm prefers to plow my ship into a star at Warp 9.96

*after crashing*
Helm: We are here!
Me: You are so fired.
I have a worse story.

Me: "Helm, how long until we reach the Kelvani Belt?"
Helm: "About 10 seconds, I just need to move around a few other ships."
Me: ~looks at position readout~ "Just go right, it'll take a fifth the time."
Helm: "Nope." ~helm turns left~
~room shakes and fills with metallic screeches for ten seconds as I collide and scrape against 2 other ships~
Me: "DAMAGE REPORT!"
Ops: "The port bow sections of decks 8 through 10 have compacted into deck seven. Hull breaches reported on decks 8, 9, 10, and 11. Main power is out on decks 6 through 13. Severe structural damage to the port wing, ventral wing cannon port destroyed. 13 dead, 20 wounded. 8 crewmen unaccounted for."
Me: ~glare at Helmsman~ "I told you to turn RIGHT!" ~draws disruptor pistol and executes helmsman~ ~takes the helm~ "The transwarp drive is functional. Prepare for transwarp back to Qo'noS. We need a layover in drydock... and a better helmsman."

Summary executions FTW.