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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
09-10-2011, 09:22 AM
Originally Posted by Evil70th
I found it. I originally looked in the "Community Authored" section but didn't see it. Of course it as late at night for me and I might have spelled it wrong or perhaps it was still under the "Review Content" section at that time. Not sure but at this point it doesn't matter since I found it.

DISCLAIMER: Before you read the review I want to make it very clear I really liked the mission and the content of my report reflects that along with my suggested improvements or corrections.



Grant Mission Dialog: Very detailed information in the grant mission dialog. However I look to the mission description for this information and the grant mission dialog as part of the story. I would suggest moving the description of the mission you wrote to the mission details window. Then make the grant mission dialog part of the story. For example; "Admiral Brahms has ordered us to Deep Space K7", and so on. By putting all the information in the grant mission dialog it took some of the surprise out of the “trap” you sprung later in the story.

Mission Task: Even though you put "Go to Deep Space K7" in the mission statement you should make it part of the task. For example; "Meet the attack force at Deep Space K7” or something to that affect. This will help players when heading to a start location and also when in the mission.

Mission Entry Prompt: Good job in the map entry dialog write up. One thing; "fieldtest" should be two words.

Alpha Zarini 9: Great concept. However in my opinion the fog of war effect doesn't really contribute to the story or mission and is more annoying than intriguing. The Admiral refers to a distress call. I suggest adding a dialog box prior to his orders to continue with the mission.

Alpha Zarini 9 - Decoy Trap: Good map design and writing. I liked the premise and set up. It is very intense and I like that in a mission. There was a little execution problem with the “Escape” task. I had to leave the reach point marker and then re-enter to get it to trigger my escape and end the mission. I think the issue was I was already inside the reach marker when it executed and it didn’t trigger because I was already in it when it appeared. I’ve seen this same thing in other work including my own. I am sure that it is a limitation of the Foundry and nothing you did. The only work around I have found works is to move the reach point slightly further away or shrink it so it doesn’t encompass the likely location of the player when executed. Great work!

Summary: It's a good start to your series. Very intriguing and I like the premise. You did a good job developing the overall story. In my opinion it had just the right balance of dialog and action. Of course I don’t mind reading dialog as long as it adds to the story. Yours did just that. I am looking forward to playing the follow on missions in the series and seeing where the story goes. Great work and thanks for authoring.

----------End Report--------

Grant mission dialog:

it's as long as it can be, the map transition dialog is also just 5 characters from maxe length, so i rly can't make it any more detailed (i had more but had to rly shrink it to fit)
i'll correct the spellings :p
as for the fog of war, fixed now
the rest of the feedback is RLY helpful, small fixes that will help it make it feel natural