The Mysteries of Pon Farr
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Critique Report for "The Mysteries of Pon Farr"
09-17-2011, 10:40 AM
Federation Mission - The Mysteries of Pon Farr
ST - HGYYMXEB3
In case it get's lost in the report below I wanted to state upfront how much I liked this mission. Good writing, map design, overall feel and design. Great job!
A great mission! Highly recommended! Really well written and you did a great job developing the story. I liked the map design with a few suggested changes as listed below. The dialog was well written and executed with the exception of what’s noted below. I know there are some players who do not like a lot of dialog. I on the other hand do like a good story that will draw me in and make me want to go on.
As for the spelling errors I found in some areas I think some of those are the difference between American English and the Kings English, for example the use of “s” instead of “z” in “Mobilise”. So I don’t think those will be that big a deal.
Thanks for authoring, you did a great job and I look forward to playing more of your missions.
Good job. This is clear and concise. If you are talking about the dialog prompts on Vulcan then you are correct. You do not have control over that as it is part of the Cryptic map. If someone actually called you on that then they don't understand mission creation in the Foundry when using Cryptic maps.
Grant Mission Dialog:
Excellent. You placed the location in the mission task even after placing it in the description. Usually I see only the task itself with no location.
Dialog Elder Sardek:
I liked it. Well written and intriguing. Good job.
Mission Entry Prompt:
I liked the overall design and feel of the map. The fights were well balanced and with the exceptions noted below it was a good map. As a side note it appears as though Cryptic has fixed the BOFF pathing on this map.
Suggest in dialog change "still got" to "still have"
Romulan guard dialog: suggest change "for us Romulans" to "for Romulans".
Romulan Guard dialog: "honourable" should be "honorable".
After the force field is down in the dialog the button should read, "about what she'll do" vice "about she'll do".
The next dialog: "drop" should be "drops", and "forcefields" should be "force fields".
Button for "Enduced Femal" should be "Induced Female".
Other prisoners dialog buttons; "Enduced" should be "Induced".
Dialog spelling; "tare" should be "tear".
Map note: One of the benches on the first level is slightly off the ground. It may be sitting on something.
I liked the first level Vulcan Monk dialog.
Map suggestion; understanding that the crates also served a plot point perhaps use the "wall cave 01, 02 or 03 vice all the crates to create wall barriers. You’ll find they work quite well to block off an area and look more like walls. Those specific ones can be found in the “Interior” items under “Wall - Caves 01, 02 and 03.
The dialog post door console override seems to be a repeat of the dialog in the cell when we first arrived.
After the overriding the door you should create a new re-spawn point.
At console “Mobilise” should be “Mobilize” “Unathorised” should read “Unauthorized”
The project completion listed on the Romulan computers states “by 2340”. Star Trek Online Universe starts in 2409.
Still a great map and well executed.
Secret Romulan Prison:
Overall a great map and well balanced battles. Some dialog issues; as before “forcefield” should be “force field”.
An Unusual Place:
This map seems to be unnecessary. I would suggest having the Elder appear in the transporter room of the previous map after the fight with the base commander to reveal the plot twist.
I like the twist at the end, very well done. Spelling dialog; “Calibre” should be “caliber”
Thanks for authoring,