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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Federation Mission - Dereliction Duty
Author: Nagorak
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HAKXYCH4Y

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Summary: This was one of the best missions I’ve played from the Foundry. Your use of space, objects and effects was phenomenal. The overall feel of each map along with the story dialog simply reached out and grabbed me. I hardly noticed how long I’d been playing. The characters you developed for this story where memorable as well as entertaining. I look forward to playing the follow up mission to see what will happen next. Simply put I loved your work!

Below are a few observations/recommendations for each phase of the mission including the maps.

Mission Description: Good description of both the details regarding length of the mission and the mission itself. This is a personal preference but I would put the actual description of the mission to be played up front with the length and other details at the end. Again that is my personal preference and has no bearing on how I feel about the mission as a whole.

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog for both the grant mission and the subsequent dialog were very well done. It is the first thing that draws the player into the mission and this definitely did that for me.

Mission Task: Your inclusion of the location with the Map Text is quite good.

Mission Entry Prompt: Great dialog, perhaps change the button response to something more in line with the dialog. Some suggestions I have, "On my way", or "Entering the Draylon System now".

MAPS:
Draylonic Nebula: Great map design and very well written dialog. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- Initial post entry dialog is good but I would suggest changing the button response to "Acknowledged" or something along those lines.
- The “Scan Strange Asteroid” to port upon entry is labeled as "object". Perhaps label it as "asteroid" or something along those lines.
- The “Scan Strange Asteroid” dialog is good however as above I would suggest changing the button to "Acknowledged" or something along those lines that a Captain might say to a Bridge Officer.
- The “In Depth Scan” dialog is excellent. Even though this is optional dialog it is quite well written. As before the only thing I would suggest is making some of the button responses more like the Captain to a Bridge Officer.
- From this point forward I will not note the button responses unless I see a real problem with one.
- I really liked the entire optional dialog regarding the “Strange Asteroid”.
- Ship summary report contains a lot of detailed information that serves to draw me into the story. Of course I like a good detailed story. I know others will appreciate the skip dialog button as I’ve used those too and they seem popular from time to time.

U.S.S. Atlas Deck 13: Excellent map design and fantastic dialog. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- One minor glitch I came across. Three out of four Bridge Officers get stuck in the ceiling of the passageway outside the transporter room. I think the issue was I paused as I went through the door and the bridge officers began to jump as they do to position themselves and got stuck. I don’t think there is anything you can do about this as it is a limitation when constructing custom maps. After trying several different maneuvers to get them free I exited the mission and reentered. Then I proceeded directly through the door of the transporter room into the hall without incident.
- I love the questioning from ***ami, it was very well done and the choices are well thought out. Once the briefing begins the Skip dialog button made me laugh out load. I didn’t click it but I loved it.

Interstellar Space: The entire warp through space effect looks great and I am glad you added the tip in the initial dialog. Although I knew I wasn’t moving to continue the mission not everyone would get that. The go to and drop from warp sequences along with the appearance of the objects was very well choreographed. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- The freighters are labeled as “Objects”. Perhaps give them the ships name or label them “derelict freighter” or something along those lines.

Reid System: Again the warp sequence along with the drop from warp and appearance of the objects is very well done. The entire map design and dialog was outstanding. I really liked the “Easy Rider” dialog and the “Borg Queen” dialog made me laugh out loud. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- The Binar code was great. Good work.
- As previously recommended the freighters are labeled as “Objects”. Perhaps give them the ships name or label them “derelict freighter” or something along those lines.
- From this point forward I will not note the objects labeling unless I see a real problem with one.
- I noted the ship that appears in a couple of the dialog windows is usually a Federation starship of one type or another. I would assume this is a limitation of the Foundry images available to use for this purpose.

Reid System, Planet X: The map design and dialog are excellent. You have mastered the skill of space utilization with your map design. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- The dialog of the final dialog of the Ferrengi ships triggered after I went to warp. Was that intentional?

Pel Hosi Minor System: Simply a great map and use of space to drive the story. This was a good wrap up to the story. No spelling or grammatical errors found. Below are a few observations/recommendations for the dialog and/or map.
- The last dialog window in the questions for Gul Modran appears to be from Captain Ujarka but Gul Modran appears in the window.
- The choice of the Distress signal remains up even after the engagement of the Orion’s. Was this a ruse that leads to the attack?

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Thanks again for authoring. You did a great job and I truly look forward to playing the sequel.
Brian