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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
Mission Name: Deadly Intentions - Part 1
Author: Sovereign77x
Minimum Level: None
Allegiance: Starfleet
Mission ID: ST-HENIFDVMI
Estimated Length: 30 Minutes
Method of Delivery: Forum
Federation Mission: Deadly Intentions - Part 1
Author: Sovereign77x
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HENIFDVMI

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission. The writing was excellent as was the map design. Your story was so well written the dialog carried it along. I made a few recommendations on some improvements below for each map. Basically the only shortfall I found was some of the button responses needed to be looked at again. I mentioned this in another report I did and the response was along the lines of not wanting to put words in the player’s mouth. While I see the point of this thinking I believe it is the job of the writer of a story to at least give the player options to respond with. But again that is a personal preference and doesn’t reflect directly on how good a mission is.

I noted a few items to look at below while playing the mission. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you please.

I really enjoyed this episode and would highly recommend it to everyone who enjoys a good story and great map work.

Mission Description: Good mission description with good detailed story points.

Grant Mission Dialog: Very clear grant dialog with clear instructions on where to start.

Mission Task: Despite the instructions in the Grant Mission Dialog you should at least include the location for at least the first custom map which should also include the location of where to start the mission.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt.

MAPS:
Wolf 359 #1: Good simple map design with well written dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map. However I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Perhaps have the initial entry dialog button response be something like “Acknowledged, plot an intercept course.” or something along those lines.
-The Admiral Denai dialog; consider changing the response button to his request for the player to beam over to, “On my way sir.” or something along those lines.

Alexandria Interior: The story dialog and map design were excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Wolf 359 #2: Good dialog. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Admiral Denai dialog; consider changing the response button to something appropriate, “Acknowledged” or something along those lines.

Dorzal Station: Great map design, the battle was not easy but also not impossible. The dialog also served to drive the story forward. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Dorzal Station Main Level: Great map design and dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map. However I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Deferi dialog; consider changing the response button from ”Continue” to, “Thanks” or something along those lines.
-The Orothili dialog; consider changing the response button from ”Continue” to, something appropriate to the dialog.

Dorzal Station Lower Levels: Great map design with great battles. The last one is a tough nut to crack but not too bad if you have the right balance of weapons deployed on your team. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Dorzal Station#2: This was a great wrap up to this episode with good, tough battles and well written dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This was a great episode in the series and I am looking forward to reviewing the rest of the series.
Brian