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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sovereign77x View Post
Mission Name: Deadly Intentions - Part 3
Author: Sovereign77x
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Starfleet
Mission ID: ST-HTEOX3GQ3
Estimated Length: 35 Minutes
Method of Delivery: Forum
Federation Mission: Deadly Intentions - Part 3
Author: Sovereign77x
Allegiance: Federation
Mission ID: ST-HTEOX3GQ3

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: Wow! This was a great wrap up to the overall series. Your story dialog drove the story forward keeping me riveted to my seat the whole time. The twists and turns were so well written that it was hard to see them coming despite the linear story line restrictions of the Foundry. Your map designs and execution of interaction objects was excellent.

As before in my last reports on part 1 and 2 I noted a few items to look at below while playing the mission. Everything in this write up and previous ones should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. These recommendations are yours to do with as you please.

Again I am sure that no one will be surprised that I highly recommend the entire series. It is compelling and just plain a lot of fun. Excellent work on the whole series!

Mission Description: Well written and detailed description. The location start and authors notes are also very well done.

Grant Mission Dialog: Very clear and to the point.

Mission Task: Good job on the Mission Task/Map Text field in providing the start location for the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: Good entry prompt dialog.

MAPS:
Otha System: This is a simple map with really good dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

U.S.S. Alexandria Interior: The map design is well done and the dialog very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Otha System#2: A simple map with good transitional dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Agrima Prime System: Great map with a good mix of fighting and dialog. I noted only one item that needs to be looked at for this map:
-Post Du'voK battle dialog; button response "That's a lot of firepower for a small conlony" should read "That's a lot of firepower for a small colony."

Volícar Interior: The dialog was very well done. It served its purpose to draw me into the story. I noted only one item that needs to be looked at for this map:
-General Gor'Cheng dialog; he refers to the "Vor'cal" vice "Vol'car".

Agrima Prime System#2: A simple map design and good dialog. Regarding the frequency remodulators, to use a phrase from a movie; ďAll right. Important safety tip. Thanks, EgonĒ. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Agrima Prime Colony: Great map design with challenging battles and good dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on this map or issues with any of the features of the map.

Neoborg Collective: This map was filled with exciting battles and excellent dialog to drive the story. I noted a couple of items that need to be looked at for this map:
-Initial entry dialog; "must be channeld" should be "must be channeled".
-Post Dr. Tarsag dialog;"undoubtedly commendered" should read "undoubtedly commandeered".

Agrima Prime System#3: Truly a great ending to a great series. The map design and dialog was simply fantastic. I noted a couple of items that need to be looked at for this map:
-Post battle there are no Klingon ships left. Itís not a show stopper in the overall mission but since we talk to the General at the end there should be at least one Klingon ship left. If you left the Generalís ship as an individual NPC contact and it was destroyed that could because it was too close to the Borg as they were destroyed. Iím not 100% sure an individual NPC canít be killed in explosions. Iíll look into that.
-Admiral Denai dialog; "aleviating tensoions" should read "alleviating tensions".
-Post Admiral Denai dialog; "Permission to disembark?" perhaps change this to ďPermission to depart the system?Ē or something along those lines.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review all of your work. I look forward to playing more of your work in the future.
Brian