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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stylsy View Post
The Vornan Uprising ST-HTV8WHFTH
The Empire will not allow the strategically important colony to fall to the Federation. Your orders are to put an end to this rebellion and deal with any Starfleet interference that arises.

Enjoy, and please share any feedback!
Klingon Mission - The Vornan Uprising
Author: Stylsy
Allegiance: Klingon
Mission ID: ST-HTV8WHFTH

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a fantastic mission. Your map design is great. The story dialog is very well written. I noted very few spelling or grammatical errors in any of the dialog. The battles were tough but not impossible to achieve glory. The sting of the battle was glorious! If you are seeking a Klingon mission with great writing, fantastic map design and glorious combat then this is the mission for you.

At first glance you might think I noted a vast number of items for you to "consider changing" but most of the items I noted are concerning the use of the response button "Continue". I suppose it could be said, that the use of "Continue" as a response button is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. At lease that would be the conclusion if youíve read most of my "in depth mission critiques". Thatís not to say that it is not usable at all as a response button. Your use of it for the final speech at the end of the mission actually worked and I noted that for that map. For me it seems to flow better if the player has some interaction in the story. Others may be content to click "Continue" throughout. The use of the response button to serve to draw the player in and make them feel a part of the story is my goal with the noting of those buttons. Something appropriate a shipís Captain might say in response to the report from a bridge officer or statement made by an NPC to the player.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. The information is to the point. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the authorís notes to [OOC] so they are clearly separate from the information and the specific mission data should be changed to [MissionInfo].

Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog is very well written and serves its purpose to draw me into the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The General's dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Overpowered our warriors?" or something along those lines.
-Consider changing the second response button "Continue" to read "I shall deal with the traitors" or something along those lines.

Mission Task: This is a good mission task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task. I have only one recommendation:
-Consider adding the sector to the task.

Mission Entry Prompt: An excellent use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Otha System: This is a really well designed map with a good battle. Your placement of the enemy was very good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial entry dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Plot an intercept course, full impulse" or something along those lines.
-The "Reach the Vornan Freighter" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Shield up" or something along those lines
-The post "Destroy Federation Vessels" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Prepare a boarding party" or something along those lines.

Vornan Freighter: This is an excellent map design. The battles are tough but not impossible. The story dialog is very well written. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Kill the Federation scum" or something along those lines.
-The post "Defeat Federation Forces" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Letís find them" or something along those lines.
-Consider changing "near the energy room" to read "near the engine room".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Excellent idea" or something along those lines.
-The post "Overload Forcefield" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Let's go" or something along those lines. Also "Forcefield" should be "Force field".
-There are a lot of response buttons that read "Continue" in this mission. I will note the locations but not give further suggested alternatives. A further explanation of me noting the use of "Continue" as a response button will be in the summary above these notes.
-The post "Clear the Engine Room" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-I didn't notice a re-spawn point change because I didn't get killed. If you did not put a new re-spawn point before "Clear the Engine Room" task you may want to consider doing that.
-The "Interrogate Squad Leader" dialog; consider changing all the response buttons "Continue".
-Consider changing "We should inform General Ch'tang to have a fleet sent" to read "We should have General Ch'tang send a fleet".
-The map transfer dialog is using one of my ships engineering bridge officers. Consider changing the dialog "We should return to the [ShipName]" to read "We have a lock on your team. You should return to the [ShipName]". Also change the response button to "Energize".

Otha System: This is a good map design and it was a good battle. The dialog was good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialog; consider changing the responses button "Continue".
-The post "Defeat Federation Reinforcements" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".

Vornan Colony: The map design is excellent and the battles are tough but not impossible. The story dialog was good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-The post "Eliminate Federation & Vornan Forces" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-Consider adding a re-spawn point in the middle area of the compound near the steps.
-The post "Go to the Council Building" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue".

Vornan Council Building: This is really great map design. The battles are tough but not impossible. The dialog is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-The post "Disable Security Systems" dialog; consider changing both response buttons "Continue".
-The post "Override Security Controls" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-The post "Defeat Remaining Enemy Forces" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-The post "Kill Tenek" dialog; consider changing both response buttons "Continue".
-The Klingon chairs in the council chamber are buried in the floor.

Otha System: This map is good and the battles were tough but not impossible. The dialog was well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial General Ch'tang dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-The post "Defeat the Federation Assault Fleet" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-The Governor M'empek dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".

Vornan Colony: This is a great wrap up map for the mission. The dialog is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Sovesh dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the dialog for the Governors speech to Vornan to follow the player talking to him. The reason I suggest this is as it is currently set the mission is over before I can actually talk to him and have him praise the player for their service to the Empire.
-The Governor speech dialog; this is a place where the response button "Continue" actually works since there is no response from the player that would be needed.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission is well worth the effort to play. I look forward to playing and reviewing more of your missions in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/26/2011 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.