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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
In Starfleet Experimentation you are tasked with transporting an important scientific find back to Memory Alpha for further research. However the substance discovered seemingly has a life of it's own and puts you and your ship at risk. Story and Puzzle-based
Federation Mission - Starfleet Experimentation
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HBGP3ICQ4

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Summary: This is a great investigative mission. The map design is good. The story dialog very well written and intriguing. The lack of battles of any kind is made up for in the dialog itself. I again did not note the words "energize" versus "energise" and "analyze versus analyse" understanding the difference between UK English and American English. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a good investigative mission combined with good map design and puzzles.

Your puzzle development is very good. Although I would suggest adding a "Skip the puzzle" button option that leads directly to the correct answer. I would also make the same "Skip dialog" buttons Iíve recommended on other missions and use on my own as well for the longer dialogs.

I mention punctuation for response buttons as well as the use of the response button "Continue" on various maps dialog. These are not show stoppers by any stretch but simply an issue I felt worth noting for you to consider changing. Of course Iíve noticed how Cryptic uses the response button "Continue" in all the missions Iíve played since the beginning and I am considering reviewing some of their missions as well, if I can find the timeÖ

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.


Mission Description: This is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is detailed and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: This task provides a detailed start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
JFS-47 System: This is a good map design. The dialog is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Meet with the U.S.S. Toledo" dialog; consider adding a period at the end of the response button "I'll beam over momentarily".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider adding a period at the end of the response button "Yes, beam us across to the U.S.S. Toledo". From here on I will only note the maps where I recommend punctuation usage on the response buttons as an issue.

U.S.S. Toledo: This is an excellent map design with very detailed dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Lieutenant Jones" dialog; consider switching the response buttons on the initial dialog window. The "Thatís all Lieutenant" button should be last on the tree.
-The "Engineering Commander Farbolg" dialog; consider changing "What did you want" to read "What do you want".
-The response to "What do you think of Captain Thl'ryk" dialog; consider changing "Now if you've excuse me" to read "Now if you'll excuse me".
-The "Ensign Cabbot" dialog, the "Just trying to understand him" response dialog; consider changing the response button "Insistance on face-to-face" to read "Why does he insist on face-to-face". If you are going to keep this button as is then consider changing "Insistance" to read "Insistence".
-Iím not sure if this can be corrected based on the map you are using. The Captain is sitting far enough forward on the chair that it doesnít look as though he is sitting on the chair.
-This is just a general note on the button placement. I talked to all bridge officers to review the dialog and noted some of them had the "That's all BOFF" button in the first position. Consider moving them to the last position in the tree to ensure they are not the first thing a player selects. From this point forward I will indicate the maps were I find this.
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing "So are we ready, sir" to read "[Rank], we've got a lock on the away team". Along those lines then consider changing the response button "Yes, we are" to read "Energize". Yes, I understand the difference between UK "Energise" and US "Energize".

JFS-47 System: This is a really good map design. The story dialog is excellent and very intriguing. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I recommend checking punctuation usage on the response buttons.
-The post "Return to U.S.S. Toledo" dialog; consider changing the response button "Understood" to read "Make it so" or something along those lines.
-The log buoy dialog; the engineers report in the log is one of my engineering BOFF's. I recommend using "Engineering Commander Farbolg" character in this position.
-At the end of the log buoy dialog it is my engineering BOFF reporting "That's it sir". The character works there.
-The post "Scan for survivors" dialog; consider changing "had time to Abandon the ship" to read "had time to abandon ship".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing the response button "Meet you there" to read "Let's go" or something along those lines.

Science Laboratory: The map design is very well done. The dialog is outstanding and the puzzles are well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the spawn point slightly to the west on the map. The away team seems to bunch up on one side.
-Consider changing the response button "Spread out and start something" to read "Spread out and start looking for something".
-Consider moving the cylinder to the floor level. The location at the top of the crates seems unnecessary.
-The button placement for completion dialog is in the first position. Consider moving them to the last position in the tree to ensure they are not the first thing a player selects.

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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I am currently reviewing your "Hidden Intelligence" mission sequel. Keep up the great work.
Brian