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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Memory Lane is the story of a Bajoran Admiral who relives his memories of the past during a traumatic time in Bajoran history. (Cardassians lvl 31+). Story-driven combat with multiple endings.
Federation Mission - Memory Lane
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HETTHJ7NH

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Summary: This is a outstanding mission with great map design, epic battles and good story dialog. It is a very compelling story. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who is looking for a good mix of very tough battles, a really good story, combined on fantastic maps.

I did note the use of the response button "Continue" on several of the maps and because you and others know my position on that I wonít go into more detail then what Iíve already mentioned below. However I did want to suggest you add a "Skip Dialog" button to the longer dialog chains. You can then create a summary of the dialog the player needs to continue the mission. This will reduce any negative feedback regarding the lengthier dialog you have in the mission.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a well written and detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a good short little dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: This is a good task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Deep Space 9 Cargo Bay 4: This is a good map design and the dialog is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The "Vice Admiral Talar" dialog; consider changing "religious artifacts it was to up to Kai Kira" to read "religious artifacts it was up to the Kai Kira".
-Consider changing "just to keep a lookout for the orb" to read "just to keep an eye on the orb".
-The "about the Vice Admiral dialog; consider changing "when Bajor joined the federation" to read "when Bajor joined the Federation".
-Consider changing "would I like to have a lend of one of your holodecks for the purposes of securing" to read "I would like to have the use of one of your holodecks for security purposes".
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider adding a period at the end of the response button.

Deep Space Encounter: This is a really good map design and the dialog is outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The warp streaks; consider changing the entire map including the spawn point to face west on the map. Then use the "Weather StarStreaks West East 01". I did that on a mission I am currently developing and it looks pretty good.
-To help out the players who may not know better consider adding [OOC] dialog at the bottom of the initial dialog reminding the player to be sure and engage their impulse engines.

Cave System: The map design is well done and the story dialog is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". This note applies to the initial dialog and the very end of the briefing. The use during the briefing fits.

Cardassian Development Base: This is a great map design. The story dialog is good and the battles are tough but not impossible. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the "Plant Explosive Charge" interaction to a kneeling interaction.
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Cardassian Building: The map design is great and the battles are tough but not impossible. The dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider adding re-spawn points further inside the map.

Cardassian Development Base: This is a great map design. The battles are tough but not impossible, especially if you by pass them. I liked the explosion of the charges effect. The dialog is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The group of enemies directly east of the spawn point is Klingons.

Resistance Cave Stronghold: The map design is well done. The battles are very tough but not totally impossible to beat. The story dialog is really good. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". This note applies to the initial dialog but during the "Young Baz" conversation with his father including at the end of the map fits.
-Consider changing "he won't be able to walk butm" to read "he won't be able to walk but".
-Consider adding re-spawn points further inside the map.
-Consider changing "whatever happens with the federation fighting" to read "whatever happens with the Federation fighting"
-The "Map Transfer" dialog; consider changing "all we have to do" to read "All we have to do".

Ship Interior: This is a great mission wrap up map. The dialog is very well written and the map design is outstanding, especially the transporter pad. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a great mission and I really enjoy playing/reviewing your missions. Great job!
Brian