Federation Mission - More Than Just Missing
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HN7BCF8XQ

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Summary: This is a great mission. The map design is excellent. The story dialog is good and the battles are tough but fun. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes great story dialog with good map design and a mix of good tough battles. You did a great job on this mission including the branching dialog.

Below are very few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is an intriguing description. It is well written and I think it will serve to draw the player in and make them want to click "Hail".

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a very good dialog. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank], It's Captain Ford here" to read "[Rank], Captain Ford here".
-Consider changing "We need you to find him, rescue the U.S.S. Bazalope-D and if necessary prevent their discovery from falling into enemy hands" to read "We need you to find out what happened to him, his ship, and ensure their discovery doesn't fall into enemy hands".

Mission Task: This is a nice simple task with the start location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Elwing System: This is a nice simple map design. The story dialog is well written. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Science Officer dialog; consider adding a little more information on the U.S.S. Belfast. Up until this point there has been no mention of this ship so it seems odd for the BOFF to use the ships name without a clear link as to who they are and what they have to do with the readings.
-Consider changing the response button "Helm, Adjust course" to read "Helm, adjust course".
-The post "Reach Residual Neutrino Readings" dialog response button; consider changing "Agreed, Emergency power to shields" to read "Agreed, emergency power to shields".

Elwing System Almost: This is a really great map design and the battle was excellent. The story dialog was very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Bazalope-D" dialog; consider changing "[LastName], It's good to see you" to read "[LastName], it's good to see you".
-Consider changing the response button "Same here, Glad we've found you" to read "Same here, glad we've found you".
-The "Yellow Alert" dialog; consider changing "Sir, It's the Bazalope-D" to read "Sir, it's the Bazalope-D".
-The "Sir, I don't think we've met before" dialog; consider changing "I must had made a mistake" to read "I must have made a mistake".
-The post battle dialog; consider changing "there is an old earth saying" to read "there is an old Earth saying".
-Consider changing the dialog response button "Yes, Send your science officer over" to read "Yes. Send your science officer over".
-The "Yes, I'll send my science officer over" dialog response button; consider adding a period at the end of the response button.
-The "Scan DS9 like station" tactical officer dialog; consider changing "here in this world too" to read "here in this universe too".

Deep Space 9 (Not Quite): The map design is good and the story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one thing to consider changing:
-The "Check Station Log" dialog; consider changing the response button "So what did you think happened" to read "So what do you think happened".

Elwing System Almost: This is a really good map design with a great battle. The dialog is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Science Officer Nirol" dialog; the dialog starts with Nirol and switches to my science BOFF in the second dialog window and then back to Nirol in the third. It seems odd since the response button to the second window is "Nirol".
-The post battle dialog; consider changing "we went through it's pretty lightly" to read "we went through it's pretty light".
-Consider changing "including matter-antiimatter reactions" to read "including matter-antimatter reactions".

Deep Space 9 (Not Quite): This is a good map design. The story dialog is excellent and without giving anything from the story away, the bad guys are a nice diversion. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Elwing System Almost: This is a great map design with a very tough second battle. The story dialog is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialog; consider changing "I'm reading more of these ships inbound" to read "I'm reading more of those ships inbound".
-The post battle tactical BOFF dialog; consider changing "I'd hate to say it" to read "I hate to say it".
-The Bazalope-D and the Jem’hadar ships are both destroyed in the second battle. You may want to tone down that battle a little as it is hard to communicate with a ship that is destroyed.

U.S.S. Bazalope-D: This is a good map design with well written wrap up dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The "Vice Admiral Talar" dialog; consider changing "Yes, that is that what we" to read "Yes, that is what we".

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Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a great mission, and I really enjoyed playing it.
Brian