Things Captain Ratika is Not Allowed to Do
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Join Date: Dec 2007
02-29-2012, 11:46 PM
190) I am not allowed to install apps on my tricorder.
191) "Shaving a Klingon" is considered cruel and unusual punishment for all parties involved.
192) I am not allowed to make Jem'Hadar dance for Ketracel White.
193) I am not to refer to the Founder homeworld as "Puddilon".
194) Sending waves of troops at the enemy until their batteries run out is not a viable tactic in battle.
195) I am no longer allowed to ask Gorn and Caitians how they speak with their muzzles.
196) The Vorta have all been informed that Captain Ratika and her crew are on the "Do Not Mimic" list.
197) I am not allowed to be offended by #196.
198) I am not allowed to say "WooooOOOOooooooo" over open comm channels while traveling through the Bajoran Wormhole.
199) I have never had a blue 20th century police box land in my cargo hold. That was a dream.
200) I am not allowed to call Cardassians in a bar "Lounge Lizards".
201) I cannot use time travel to escape from convoy duty.
202) The Great Material Continuum is not an excuse for filling all my cargo holds with Self Sealing Stem Bolts.
203) Nobody wants my Tulaberries.
204) If I find a spacewhale, I am not allowed to form a religion around it.
205) I am not the Starfleet Academy Boogeyman of Ship Assignments, no matter how much I perpetuate the rumor.
206) I have no idea what self sealing stem bolts do and will stop pretending that I do.
207) I am not allowed to append "FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!" when describing weak points in enemy hulls.
208) From now on I am not allowed to run fire drills outside the holodeck.
209) Leaving a trail of tribbles is not a wise way to remember which way I'm going.
210) I am no longer permitted to comment on Jem'Hadar horns.
211) Shooting people with goatees because they may be a Mirror Universe duplicate is not allowed.
212) Just because the Vorta ate it, doesn't mean it's safe.