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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendra80 View Post
Hijacked
ID: ST-HOTXO4O3P
Starfleet, Any Level
Starting Location: Veela system, Regulus sector block
Duration:~20-30 mins
Style: Adventure, Single player


The USS Aswan has failed to report to Fleet HQ as scheduled. Determine the nature of delay and take whatever measures are necessary.
The Aswan was last spotted in the Veela system at the Regulus sector block.
Both Gorn and pirate ships were spotted in the area, exercise caution!


Can you please review this remastered mission? It is 100% branched with 5+ hard and 20-30 soft endings. Finding the perfect on the 1st try may be a challenge.

The BOFFs refuse to leave the transporter room because of the door bug!
Until that is fixed, imagine your BOFFs are still with you. I lowered the difficulty of the mobs so you could beat them alone if you choose so.

Thank you!
Federation Mission - Hijacked
Author: Pendra80
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOTXO4O3P

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is an outstanding mission from the outstanding map design with branching mission dialog and elements to the balanced combat and the choices there. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves great map design combined with excellent branching story dialogue, story elements and a true capability to choose multiple paths to multiple endings. I tried at least five different combinations to check as many of the potential outcomes as possible. This mission, like your others, further expands the Foundry’s boundaries… You have shown authors the way to create multiple endings to their maps as well as the story as a whole, depending on map space usage. Great job!

Just so other players know, if you get booted from the game for any reason after you’ve transported over to the Aswan you have to remain out of the mission for about 10 to 15 minutes to let the map reset. This is nothing the author can help; it is the way the game is designed. I’ve seen this in Cryptic missions too. You do not have to drop the mission just be patient.

I wanted to discuss the use of rank capitalization to include abbreviations, i.e. cmd. Paul M. Jackson should read CDR Paul M. Jackson. As a retired U.S. Navy Chief I see this in missions all the time. So based on my service the general rules surrounding this are that if you are referring to a person by rank it should be capitalized, i.e. “Captain Frank Drizzlerane is a great captain”. If you are referring generically to a rank it is okay to use lower case, i.e. “The rank of captain is one we all aspire to reach”. Above you may have noticed that I used “CDR” vice “CMD” in the correcting example. Again from my military experience the use of “CDR” as an abbreviation refers to the rank of a commander. Another use would be “LCDR” for lieutenant commander. The abbreviation “CMD” is used to refer to command. It is a minor issue in the grand scheme of the mission but one I felt needed to be addressed.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a very intriguing description with some nice story elements. I like the notes, especially the last one talking about the BOFF's. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding [Rank] [LastName] at the beginning to personalize it a little more.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant mission dialogue. There is a enough detail to make you want to click "Accept". I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the sector block to the mission task as well.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I advise to drop out of warp" to read "I recommend dropping out of warp".

MAPS:
Veela IV: This is a good map design with a good battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Commander Davis" dialogue; consider changing "This is commander Davis" to read "This is Commander Davis".
-Consider changing "we have to do it the old way" to read "we’ll have to do it the old fashion way".
-Consider changing "The team has a hard time to see in the thick smoke" to read "The team is having a hard time seeing through the thick smoke".
-The Engineer BOFF report of Transfer of command keys" dialogue; consider adding another hard return before "Davis signals ready".
-Consider adding hard returns in between all dialogues that has only one separating it from the line above and below. Otherwise make them part of the same paragraph if part of the same dialogue.
-Consider changing the response button "All those hazard trainings finally paid off" to read "All that damage control training finally paid off".
-The Science BOFF dialogue; consider changing "Captain, analyzed the flight vector" to read "Captain, I analyzed the flight vector".
-Consider changing "Sensors have a hard time to penetrate the planet's immerse radiation belt" to read "Sensors are having a hard time penetrating the planet's immense radiation belt".

USS Aswan: This is an outstanding map design with all the branching story dialog elements to choose from. I tried them all to see what the variations are and to make sure I checked all aspects. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Hail the USS Aswan" dialogue; consider changing the response button "You've illegally comandeered SFC property" to read "You've illegally commandeered SFC property" and adding punctuation to it.
-The use of rank capitalization or not. I’ll cover this in my summary.
-Consider adding hard returns in between all dialogues that has only one separating it from the line above and below. Otherwise make them part of the same paragraph if part of the same dialogue.
-The "Thrace" report dialogue; consider changing "Thrace is one of the younger member of the clan" to read "Thrace is one of the younger members of the clan".
-For the Gorar system report consider changing the "Earth" standard years to Stardates.
-The cut down wires safely dialogue appears after I cut down the wires.
-The "Check EPS conduit" dialog; consider changing "This gave me an idea" to read "This gives me an idea".
-The "Deactivate forcefield" trigger; there is a bottle visible on the floor.
-Even after resolving all elements, recovering the hostages and bridge intact the “Beam directly to the Aswan’s bridge” option is still present on the pad when you go to “Chief bring us home (end mission)”.
-With the resolved hostage success dialog from Admiral Trent; consider changing "your quick thinking" to read "Your quick thinking".
-Consider changing "The crew can complete the repairs in at high warp" to read "The crew can complete the repairs at high warp".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I know my mission authoring will never be the same again, thanks to your feedback and missions as well as Kirkfat’s tutorials. Keep up the ground breaking work. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/04/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.