"The Chimes At Midnight" By Filbones
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Mission Critique Report (Part 1) - The Chimes At Midnight
03-10-2012, 04:05 PM
Originally Posted by
Awesome sauce, so here it is. Be as brutal as you like. I'm really looking for a reason to polish this mission. It has been collecting dust in my folder for along time. Recently did all I could to make it playable after Season 5 issues.
Mission Name: The Chimes At Midnight
Allegiance: FED DIP COM KDF RPG
Estimated Mission Length: At least 45 minutes. Optional may exstend to 1.5 hours
Method of Report Delivery: What ever is easiest.
Currently there is a respawn issue on the Refuge/Detention Station. Hopefully have it fixed by the time you play it.
Federation Mission - The Chimes At Midnight
Project ID: ST-HK4N7W625
----------Report Start Part I-----------
This is a good mission with some really good map designs and story dialogue. It is a little lengthy but has a nice story to keep it interesting. I like the optional dialogue and how if the player misses some of it they may need it later in the mission. There were a few response buttons "Continue" that I thought could be better utilized, but they are not show stoppers. The battles are well done and an interesting diversion for the player even they some are "optional", meaning you still have to fight them but they are not a specific mission task. I would recommend this mission to other players. Just make sure you like missions with more of a story rather than a lot of fighting. There are some great battles but they are not the focus of the mission.
The use of Cryptic maps as a transition between custom authored maps could be a great benefit to authors, however it is not there yet and can detract from the story. This is more of a game limitation rather than just a Foundry limitation. The same thing can be seen anytime you leave a Cryptic mission that the particular map you were on has not been completed. Perhaps the Devs are working on fixing that so authors can use the Cryptic maps as a cross over to other custom maps. If the player knows this is a limitation of the game and not just Foundry missions they can ignore it but it will still be a problem until it is fixed so you may want to consider not using them for this mission in the way you did. That, of course, is up to you.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
This is a nice intriguing description. I like the warning regarding the length of the mission although in the end that may scare some players away. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue:
The dialogue is intriguing but seems a little odd. The officer is telling us to relax but we are the only protection for the sector except for Starfleet Academy students.
-Consider changing "that the [ShipName] is close by encase the Klingon's" to read "that the [ShipName] is close by in case the Klingon's".
-Consider changing "I'm sorry [Rank], We will do our best" to read "[Rank], we will do our best".
-Consider removing the dialogue from "We have reason to believe" through "The Fleet is spread out across the Galaxy". The dialogue in between and including both of those sentences seems to go counter to "[Rank], We will do our best to provide some much needed".
-The "Transmission" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] I grow tiresome" to read "[Rank], I grow weary".
Good mission task with clear locations of NPC Contacts.
Mission Entry Prompt:
Multiple mission entry points.
Earth Space Dock (Cryptic Map):
This is a good use of the Cryptic map. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
Level 51 Crew Quarters:
This is an interesting map design with lots of tasks to perform. Also when we beam up in the turbo lift the “Level 51 Crew Quarters” is still available. I realize this is a limitation of using Cryptic maps as a pass through location. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The coffee cup is too high in both replicators.
-Consider changing "light up" to "Lights Up" to match the other button.
-Nothing happens when you do either "Lights Down" or "lights up".
-Consider changing the button "threaton Tribble" to read "Threaten Tribble".
San Francisco Starbase:
This is an interesting map design with good battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
IKS Kronos One:
This is an interesting map design. You seem to have added many different elements to the map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of issues to consider changing:
-Some of the consoles seemed to be buried in the bulkheads.
-The gray block on the corner hall is too high to act as a step, consider lowering it.
Montana, North America:
This is a great map design. The story dialogue is well written and the battles are a good balance. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "I didn’t know you were scared of hights" to read "I didn’t know you were scared of heights".
-Consider changing "from the IKS kronos" to read "from the IKS Kronos".
-Consider changing the response button for the same reason.
-The response button to the IKS Kronos offering to beam down; consider changing "I will let you know if your needed" to read "I will let you know if you're needed".
-The Chancellor Keth dialogue; consider changing "This is an outrages" to read "This is an outrage".
-Consider changing "as peace with the federation sounds" to read "as peace with the Federation sounds".
-Consider changing "it is necessary for or prevail" to read "it is necessary for us to prevail".
-Post battle dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], But Starfleet has no duristriction" to read "[Rank], but Starfleet has no jurisdiction".
-I noted the use of "coordinace" in a quite few places in the dialogue. Consider changing it to "coordinates".
Lower Aft Ship Deck:
This is a really good use of the base Cryptic map to design the story map. There are a few things that looked a little odd but overall a great design. The story dialogue was well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The ship Science BOFF refers to the player by the [FirstName]. Consider changing this to "Captain" or "[Rank]".
-The "Tactical" dialogue; consider changing "I'm receiveing reports from various Sectors of klingon invasions" to read "I'm receiving reports from various sectors of Klingon invasions".
-The "Engineering" dialogue; consider changing "were running at optimal officency" to read "we're running at optimal efficiency".
-The "Science" dialogue; consider changing "have allot of intel ready for any starfleet briefing" to read "have a lot of intel ready for any Starfleet briefing".
-The post communications dialogue; consider changing "Estimated arival in 1hour 34minutes" to read "Estimated arrival in 1 hour 34 minutes".
-Consider changing "Your crew might be able to exsplain recent events" to read "Your crew might be able to explain recent events".
-The "Lt Drew" dialogue; consider changing "was invented by spock after his studies" to read "was invented by Spock after his studies".
-Consider changing "it on the gate to stop olternate universe paradimes" to read "it on the gate to stop alternate universe paradigms".
-I noted the use of "quantom" in some areas of dialogue. Consider changing it to "quantum".
-The "Que'ess" dialogue; consider changing "because shoreleave was cancelled" to read "because shore leave was cancelled".
-The "Shelly" dialogue; consider changing "I had consumed on shoreleave" to read "I had consumed on shore leave".
-Consider changing the response button "I guess we can waver the court martial" to read "I guess we can waive the court martial".
-The room you've designed for "Shelly" needs a little work. The wall on the north side of the room appears to be sticking through the window. Consider moving the door to the room a little further south and the wall that is sticking through the window south to meet the edge of the window. Also consider changing the locker in the room to a single sided locker.
-The NPC contact at the warp core on the top level is labeled "UGC Contact".
-There is another NPC labeled "UGC Contact" at a console that says "I always get the irritable jobs".
-The "Falox" dialogue; consider changing "This gally is" to read "This galley is".
-The NPC in the room next to "Que'ess" is labeled "UGC Contact" and is standing too far from the console he is typing on.
-The warp core on the bottom level has an NPC at a console on the south side of the warp core labeled "UGC Contact".
-There is a NPC on the east side of the lower warp core labeled "UGC Contact".
-When looking up from the lower level of the warp core I noted that the plating above does not go all the way across. I also noted a few of the wandering NPC's like the "Ensign Medic" gets stuck inside the rail of the lower warp core.
This is a good map design with nice mission objectives and good balanced battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The ship seems to shake whenever I proceed in a downward direction. Is there and effect you've added or is this possibly a bug with the base map you are using?
-The "Command Center" post scan dialogue; consider changing "It also houses many traders, mercinaries and civilians" to read "It also houses many traders, mercenaries and civilians".
-The "What's the situation" dialogue; consider changing "To my knoledge" to read "To my knowledge".
-Consider changing "Ite seems some of the klingon population are holding them againats there will" to read "It seems that some of the Klingon population are holding them against their will".
-The "How can we help" dialogue; instead of "detigency" did you mean "detergency"?
-Consider changing "Starfleet personnel are being held by the klingons" to read "Starfleet personnel are being held by the Klingons".
---------End Report Part I----------