"The Chimes At Midnight" By Filbones
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Mission Critique Report (Part 2) - The Chimes At Midnight
03-10-2012, 03:08 PM
Originally Posted by
Awesome sauce, so here it is. Be as brutal as you like. I'm really looking for a reason to polish this mission. It has been collecting dust in my folder for along time. Recently did all I could to make it playable after Season 5 issues.
Mission Name: The Chimes At Midnight
Allegiance: FED DIP COM KDF RPG
Estimated Mission Length: At least 45 minutes. Optional may exstend to 1.5 hours
Method of Report Delivery: What ever is easiest.
Currently there is a respawn issue on the Refuge/Detention Station. Hopefully have it fixed by the time you play it.
Federation Mission - The Chimes At Midnight
Project ID: ST-HK4N7W625
--------Report Start Part II---------
This is a good map design over all and the battles were good. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Veleth" dialogue; consider changing "There are reports of federation personnel" to read "There are reports of Federation personnel".
-Consider changing "The klingons have the cell" to read "The Klingons have the cell".
-Consider changing "They seem a little differant from the usual klingons we get here" to read "They seem a little different from the usual Klingons we get here".
-Consider changing the response button "This is now a federation matter" to read "This is now a Federation matter".
-Consider changing "I haven't heard from my reconisence crew in about 3o minutes" to read "I haven't heard from my recon team in about 30 minutes".
-Consider changing "This is area of the compund is usualy left to the civilian public to manage internaly" to read "This area of the base is usually left to the civilians to manage".
-Consider changing "It's a trade area for many refugees and asilum seekers" to read "It's a trade area for many refugees and asylum seekers.
-Consider changing "There is eligal activity, but due to foreighn customes we turn a blind eye" to read "There is illegal activity, but due to foreign customs we usually turn a blind eye.
-Consider changing the response button "What can I exspect" to read "What can I expect".
-The "Pot Roast" dialogue; consider changing "A federation ensign" to read "A Federation ensign".
-Consider changing "to provide nurishment to any" to read "to provide nourishment to any".
-The "Geisha" dialogue; consider changing "Never mind your starfleet if your not looking for trouble I suggect not talking to Goleth" to read "Never mind, your Starfleet, if you're not looking for trouble I suggest not talking to Goleth".
-The "Goleth" dialogue; consider changing "Unless your interested in aome non kosher activity then I sagest you don't bother me again" to read "Unless you're interested in some non-kosher activity I suggest you don't bother me again".
-The "Zoey" dialogue; consider changing the response button "can you open the other door please" to read "Can you open the other door please".
-Consider changing "before it's to late" to read "before it's too late".
-Most of the bar patrons look like they are too far forward on the stools.
-The "Snitch" dialogue; consider changing "My brother told me you were commin" to read "My brother told me you were coming".
-Consider changing "If you can rember the password I will make Zoeys ilegal terminal visible to you" to read "If you can remember the password I will make Zoey's illegal terminal visible to you".
-Consider changing "I am now free of the dept to my brother" to read "I am now free of the debt to my brother".
-Consider removing the animal, which is labeled "UGC Contact", next to the "Snitch" and put a smaller console there.
-Consider changing the default "Interact" on the console to "Access console" or something along those lines.
-Consider changing "I don't like the Cardassian referance going on here" to read "I don't like the Cardassian reference going on here".
-The "Perhaps we can shut down the program via that terminal" makes no sense. The door triggered while I was still in the middle chamber. Was the "Trap" supposed to trigger after I walked through? Also it should be "shutdown" vice shut down".
-Some of the "Undines" in the battle were labeled “Warriguls”
This is a good map design with some good battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "As the klingons say" to read "as the Klingons say".
Utopia Planitia Shipyards Mars:
This is a great detailed map design with well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The [OOC] dialogue says "The shipyard is West of your position" but the area on the mini-map and area map are to the East of the spawn point.
-The post "Transport" dialogue; consider changing "Unfortunately your corage may not be nown for some time" to read "Unfortunately your courage may not be known for some time".
This is a good map design. The story dialog is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Sector31" NPC as well as all the visible NPC’s at the spawn point are labeled "UGC Contact".
-There are several NPC’s roaming the upper floor that are labeled "UGC Contact". One that appears to be a "Q" that you can interact with continues to move while you are trying to interact.
Earth Space Dock (Cryptic Map):
This is a good use of a Cryptic map as a story point however it is limited by the game itself in that you are offered the chance to reenter the custom maps you just left. I’ll address this in the summary above.
--------End Report Part II---------
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Your custom map design in this mission is pretty good despite a few minor corrections needed here and there. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
This critique report also filed 03/10/2012 on forum posting for:
In depth mission reports upon request