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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain.Hunter View Post
Hi Evil70th,

I was wondering if you could take a look at my new mission "Treasure of Argelius II, pt.1". I'd love to get some expert feedback on it (and after 47 pages of reviews, you certainly qualify as an expert :p). Here's the mission info:

Mission Name: Treasure of Argelius II, pt. 1
Author: Captain.Hunter
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST- HSZ62UNET
Estimated Mission Length: 2 hours (if all optional material completed)
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post please

This mission is a follow-up to the official Cryptic episode mission "Treasure Trading Station" (Klingon Front assignment section). Thanks!
Federation Mission - Treasure of Argelius II, pt. 1
Author: Captain.Hunter
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST- HSZ62UNET

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission even though it starts out a little slow, once it picks up the pace it becomes a roller coaster ride. The map design is excellent with some tough battles here and there. The story dialogue is good and very detailed. I noted few, if any, spelling or grammatical errors in this mission. Just be careful about apologizing for things with an “Authors Note” that the player wouldn’t see as a problem anyway. I would highly recommend this mission to other players.

I mention the use of the response button “Continue” on several of the maps. There are some instances where its use is appropriate to the dialogue although I usually recommend the use of “…” vice “Continue”. For me it indicates that the author has addressed all aspects of the dialogue. The use of any other response other than “Continue” becomes more important, for me, when the player would be responding to a BOFF report. It has to do with drawing the player more into the story and make them feel a part of it. As I have said many times that this is a pet peeve and a personal opinion. You as the author have to decide how you want to tell your story.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good and intriguing description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue including the dialogue that follows the "Accept" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Argelius II Space: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very detailed and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Treasure Trading Station arrival: This is a nice map design but I am not sure if it serves a purpose in the overall story. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Treasure Trading Station: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. The map has some pathing issues and should be reported to the Dev’s. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”. Plot point; at the end of the extensive dialogue with Qaris the player’s response is “We’ll talk again” however Qaris is the only one who spoke. The player never acknowledges anything Qaris says.
-Consider removing the authors note regarding the lack of a specific map. The player would have no way of knowing that unless you tell them.

Treasure Trading Station ML3: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. The map has some pathing issues and should be reported to the Dev’s. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Treasure Trading Station Hanger Bay 6: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I didn’t see any pathing issues with this map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the "Ensign Sanderson" dialogue a triggered dialogue that is completed once the player interacts.

Nightclub buccaneers: This is a good map design with good battles. The map has some pathing issues and should be reported to the Dev’s. The story dialogue is well written.
-There are bottles visible on top of the crates when trying to talk to Qaris.
-Consider adding respawn points deeper in the map.

Argelius II space investigation: This map design is good and the battle is well done. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-Consider making the “Damaged ship” appear triggered by the completion of the battle.

Ravenger engineering deck: This is a good map design with tough battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding respawn points deeper in the map.
-The use of the response button “Continue”.

Argelius II complications: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. Based on the dialogue it almost felt as if you expected the player to stop when reading the dialogue. Keep in mind that not every player will have their ship set to stop on dialogue. I didn’t and would have engaged the enemy ship. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Argelius II City:This is a very nice map design and if this is the starting location of the next mission it makes sense to end it here with the simple dialogue you wrote. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing the next mission in the series. I want to see what will happen next.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/07/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.