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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
04-09-2012, 01:46 AM
Mission review by Evil70th part 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil70th
Federation Mission - L.F.V. Saga Ep 1: Relapse
Author: Gingie
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HH3QNN7AU

----------Report Start (Part 1)-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with a very in depth story. The map design is very well done and the story is very detailed. The battles are fun and a good diversion. There are several spelling errors which I have identified below but I would still recommend this mission to other players.

The use of the response button “Continue” is used quite extensively throughout the mission and I wanted to note that. I think you should consider changing the use to something more in line with the dialogue, especially when it comes to BOFF reports. There are some uses where it works but in general I feel it should be replaced with something else. I did note you used it with the “Jen: and dialogue” in a few places which is definitely a good use of the button. I cannot recall having seen it used as a response for an NPC before. I liked that.

Below are several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "You are ordered us to investigate" to read "You are ordered to investigate".

Mission Task: The task is okay. Consider adding the sector block as well. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Starbase Unknown: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "That is strange" or something along those lines.
-The "Tactical BOFF" dialogue; consider removing "[ShipName]" following "[MissionInfo]Approach the outpost.[MissionInfo]"
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Yellow alert".
-The use of the response button "Continue". From this point I will note the maps where this is used and cover it in detail in the summary above.
-The "Unknown ship" dialogue; consider changing "lower your shileds" to read "lower your shields".
-Consider changing "I want your captain to beam" to read "I want your Captain to beam".
-Consider setting up a trigger that would cause the ship to appear as the dialogue regarding "Starship decloaking directly ahead" starts.

USS Mnemosyne: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the spawn point back a little more in the alcove. Two of my BOFF’s materialized in the middle of the bridge.
-Consider adding a button that completes the dialogue and one that causes the initial dialogue to repeat at the end of the "What ship is this" and "What is an Orion doing on a Starfleet vessel".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider moving the guard, standing to the right of the doorway to the ready room as the player approaches, a little north as they appear to be standing in mid air.
-The "Admiral Wilcott" dialogue; consider changing "I appologize for the decpetion" to read "I apologize for the deception".
-The "I don't like being misled" dialogue; consider changing "Thats your choice" to read "That's your choice".
-The "What is the last known location" dialogue; consider changing "they have ben out of contact" to read "they have been out of contact".
-The "Map Transfer" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Search for the FORSYTHE" to read "Energize".

Starbase Unknown#2: This map seems unnecessary as it has one short dialogue and then the "Map Transfer" dialogue. If you decide this is a needed map consider designing a map using a warp effect with the “Vor” system appearing after the player drops from warp.

Griphon, Vor 3: This is a good map design with good battles and well written dialogue. I will cover a combination of the previous map and this one using warp space in the summary. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing "Klingon signatures in the vacinity" to read "Klingon signatures in the vicinity".
-Consider changing the "Map Transfer" dialogue response button "Transport to the FORSYTHE" to read "Energize".

USS Forsythe: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very detailed and well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Commander Corspa" dialogue; consider changing "speak in present commpany" to read "speak in present company".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing "breath before begining" to read "breath before beginning".
-Consider changing "We were investigating an abbandoned Klingon" to read "We were investigating an abandoned Klingon".
-Consider changing the response button "Sounds like a terrible case of Rigalien Flu" to read "Sounds like a terrible case of Rigelian flu".
-Consider changing "Thats what we thought" to read "That's what we thought".
-Consider changing "Her last momnet of lucidity" to read "Her last moment of lucidity".
-Consider changing "furnature being thrown" to read "furniture being thrown".
-Consider changing "wearing down at our shileds" to read "wearing down our shields".
-Consider changing "we finaly understood" to read "we finally understood".
-Consider changing "Thats a misconseption" to read "That's a misconception".
-Consider changing "any way to do it wothout you" to read "any way to do it without you".
-Consider changing "Thats because, [Rank]" to read "That's because, [Rank]".
-Consider changing "I was geneticly engineered" to read "I was genetically engineered".
-Consider changing "without a second though snap a human" to read "without a second thought snap a human".
-The turbolift is slightly higher than the deck and not quite centered in the passageway.

Program De'Liah 13: This is a good map design with a challenging battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider adding “De’Liah” and “Medical Hologram” NPC’s that appear on the map triggered after the battle.

---------End Report (Part 1)----------

Report part 2 to follow...
Brian