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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain_Revo
Hi Again,

I would like to request a review for my new mission. Thanks.

Author: Captain_Revo
Title: The Fire In Which We Burn
ID: ST-HEWWXAD89
Faction: Klingon
Min Level: Any
Start Location: Chos Nebula - Omega Leonis
Duration: 45 mins
Request made: Forums
Klingon Mission - The Fire In Which We Burn
Author: Captain_Revo
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HEWWXAD89

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission. I highly recommend this mission to all Klingon faction players who love the sting of tough and glorious battles combined with great story dialogue and excellent map design. Creating a good Klingon mission is not easy but you definitely pulled it off. The mission has a very familiar flavor to it stemming from the roots of the episodes of the “Enterprise” series. I won’t say too much more and risk giving a spoiler.

There were a couple of places where you used NPC, non-story line driven dialogue. This dialogue would be available for the player to talk to at any point during the map. Most of the NPC dialogue was nice filler and helped flesh out the story; however the issue I mention is a result of the dialogue being optional on the map and therefore it would not disappear. There are ways to trigger optional map dialogue that once read through disappears. I used it on my mission “Contamination” after reading through some articles on here and Starbase UGC about optional dialogue and interactions. It works well and gives a layer to the story that truly allows the player to retrieve the optional dialogue if they go looking for it. I felt that your story might benefit from these triggers as well.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location of the first custom map. I one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing “Go to the Chos Nebula” to read “Go to the ChoS nebula”.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Kell'taQ System: This is a good map design with a good battle. The story dialogue was well written even though there was some use of the response button “Continue” it was appropriate for the dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Facility Interior: This is a great map design with lots of glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written and your use of the response button “Continue” is appropriate for the dialogue it followed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider making the optional "Talk to Klingon Scientist" dialogue triggered map dialogue so once the player talks to the scientist the option disappears.

Timeship Mobius: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making the crew dialogue triggered map dialogue so once the player talks to the crew the option disappears.
-The "Captain Bronan" dialogue; consider changing "outpost in the Chos Nebula" to read "outpost in the ChoS Nebula".
-Consider changing "in the Chos Nebula" to read "in the ChoS Nebula".

Alternate Kell'taQ System: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "Now it's little more that rock and molten larva" to read "Now it's little more than rock and molten lava".

Na'kuhl Ship: This is a good map design with glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Return to Kell'taQ System: This is a good map design with a glorious series of tough battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Ready Room: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue that serves to wrap up the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job in developing a great Klingon mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/29/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.