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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zadama View Post
Hi Evil70th, I'd appreciate a review of my newest mission, if possible.

Mission Name: Achaemia: Episode One
Author: Zadama
Minimum Any Level
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HCKSPY9Z2
Estimated Mission Length: 30 Minutes

Thank you!
Federation Mission - Achaemia: Episode One
Author: Zadama
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HCKSPY9Z2

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is an excellent mission. You should consider creating a posting in the forums as this mission definitely deserves to be played. The map designs are great with some fun battles and excellent effects execution throughout the mission. The story dialogue is outstanding and kept me riveted to the mission. I would highly recommend this mission to any player that loves a good story combined with great maps.

I noted some BOFF mix ups on two of the maps but nothing that bad or distracting. It just catches my attention as I went through the mission. Your use of the response button “Continue” actually worked for the majority of dialogue. There were just a few places that I felt you should consider changing it.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice simple description with just enough information to intrigue the player. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is good and the post "Accept" dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location for the first custom map to include the sector block. This will help players find your mission once they accept it. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Arcanis Arm: Gelium: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Admiral Thyne" dialogue; consider changing "I'll met you at the outpost" to read "I'll meet you at the outpost".

Gelium Ground: This is a great map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the Dr. Yaoulah, Lieutenant Anna D'rieux, and Commander Richard O'Neill dialogues to optional by using trigger objects to initiate the dialogue with each NPC. This will allow the dialogue option to go away after the player interacts with the NPC dialogue.
-The use of the response button “Continue”. There are several places it works and some it does not. This is especially true when the player is given direction from an NPC or a report from a BOFF.
-Consider breaking up the scan other buildings tasks with a little dialogue from the science BOFF or something. If you want to leave the current task then consider adding some dialogue from the science BOFF at the end. This could also lead to the BOFF pointing out Doctor Breiss.
-The BOFF in the map transfer dialogue appears to be my Ship Science BOFF but the dialogue is as if they are standing with me. Consider changing it to the Away Team Science BOFF.

Unknown Planet: This is an excellent map design with a nice battle. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The BOFF in the map transfer dialogue appears to be my Ship Science BOFF but the dialogue is as if they are standing with me. Consider changing it to the Away Team Science BOFF.

Gelium Ground: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the Dr. Yaoulah and Commander Richard O'Neill dialogues to optional by using trigger objects to initiate the dialogue with each NPC. This will allow the dialogue option to go away after the player interacts with the NPC dialogue.
-Consider placing the “Cave Walls” you are using for the perimeter of the “Outpost” all the way around the encampment on both maps. It is noticeable as you approach the outpost and I think it would look more like an outpost encampment.

Arcanis Arm: Gelium: This is a great map design with excellent effects and a good battle. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Celes System: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written and serves as a nice wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing the sequel to this mission.
Brian