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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gingie
Alexandria Incident edited, spelling and grammatical errors corrected.

Thanks again!

Now that the challenge is over perhaps you can take a look at Sisyphean Ordeal, my temporal loop mission.

As always these comments will help to improve this and future projects.
Federation Mission - Sisyphean Ordeal
Author: Gingie
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPTJ83O6G

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good story dialogue and excellent map designs. You have definitely captured the look, and feel of a Star Trek episode with this mission. I would highly recommend this mission to all players.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a very intriguing and well written description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "at the edge of [system name] and continue" to read "at the edge of the [MissionInfo]JFS 47 System[/MissionInfo] and continue".

Mission Task: This task is okay; consider adding the sector block as well. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
JFS 47: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. It feels like the start of a Star Trek episode. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Scan Report" dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]You science officer sighs and adds with a sarcastic tone[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Your science officer sighs and adds with a sarcastic tone[/OOC]".

Tartarus 6: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Tartarus 6#2: This is a good map design with excellent and very detailed story dialogue. It does seem familiar too. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Tartarus 6#3: This is a good map design with excellent and very detailed story dialogue… Wait that sounds familiar… But this does not, I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Something about the planet's core it odd" to read "Something about the planet's core is odd".
-Consider changing "It the decalithium ignites" to read "If the decalithium ignites".
-Consider changing "Decalithium is a veluable comodity" to read "Decalithium is a valuable commodity".
-Consider changing "the comet our of the planet's pull" to read "the comet out of the planet's pull".
-Consider changing "we could theoreticly take it into warp" to read "we could theoretically take it into warp".
-Consider changing the response button "Theorecticly" to read "Theoretically".

JFS 47#2: This is a great map design with very well written story dialogue and is great wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Brakeing thrusters have fired" to read "Braking thrusters have fired".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 05/15/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.