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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by cerberus32
Hello,

I would like to know if you would consider doing a reviewing my first mission.

Mission Name: Search and Rescure No Not Really
Author: Cerberus32
Minimum Level: Says 41+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HQFXQUK7G
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Federation Mission - Search and Rescue, No Not Really
Author: Cerberus32
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQFXQUK7G

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map design with tough battles throughout. The story dialogue is very well written. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves those elements in a mission.

I mention the use of the response button “Continue” on every map. This is a pet peeve of mine but particularly when it is used in conjunction with a report from a BOFF. It was used very extensively throughout. In general I do not recommend its use in missions. Of course it is entirely up to you how it is used, I can only recommend.

The other item was the use of Bridge BOFF’s during a map transfer. As I mention below it felt more appropriate in those circumstances for an Away Team BOFF. This was based on the dialogue combined with the story specifics. It’s certainly not a huge problem but only a detail oriented item for you to consider changing.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: The description is good but appears to be a duplicate of the initial grant dialogue. Consider changing the description to more of a story surrounding what will be revealed in the post "Accept" mission dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: : The grant dialogue is the same as the description. Refer to the recommendation above for the description. The post "Accept" dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The last part of the post "Accept" dialogue repeats itself. Consider removing the second "report back to me what you find out”.

Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task but consider adding the sector block to the location as well. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Search and Rescue: This is a great map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button “Continue” especially when responding to a BOFF report.
-Consider moving the battles to be more in line with the flight path of the player. I had to fly clear across the map to engage.

Kingon Station: This is a good map design with nice battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The map name is “Kingon Station”.
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-The Map Transfer person is my Ship BOFF. Based on the dialogue consider changing it to the Away Team BOFF.
-Consider changing "I'm Not sure where" to read "I'm not sure where".
-Consider changing the response button “Go to Next Map” to read “Let’s go” or “Energize” or something along those lines.

Kingon Cube Deck 1: This is a good map design with tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The map name is “Kingon Cube Deck 1”
-The use of the response button “Continue”.
-The console near the "Tactical Officer" task says "Interact".
-Consider changing "squadrons are searching the debris field for use" to read "squadrons are searching the debris field for us".
-The Map Transfer person is my Ship BOFF. Consider changing it to the Away Team BOFF.

Search and Rescue#2: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written and this is a nice wrap up to the mission. The last bit of dialogue with Agent Howard Carter did feel a little rushed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did an excellent job with the development of this mission from start to finish. I thoroughly enjoyed playing/reviewing this mission and look forward to playing more of your work soon.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/19/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.