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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 17
06-05-2012, 04:11 PM
Wraith, I gotta say, the end of yours made me do a double take of that last paragraph, very well put. Only thing I'd say that you'd need to improve is that you drifted with your topics in your second paragraph, Which seemed a bit odd for the character that you are trying to portray. Very good all around though.

Soridem, Interesting Ideas in there, but It was hard to get through. Try dumping the spacing, and try to watch how your portray your character. When you first introduced him, he seemed hardline, and straight edge, but then switch gears to pranks and singing? It was an odd twist of character is all that I'm trying to say.

I've got my own up, so would appreciate some feedback on what ya'll think of it.