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Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Originally Posted by diogene0
Hi, Evil70th. I just finished the second part of my mission in two parts. Ideally i'd like a review on both of them, but if you don't have time or don't want to do it, pick one, i'll be happy with that.

Missions Name: You won't be borg (1/2)
Author: diogene0
Minimum Level: 46
Allegiance: Federation
Estimated Mission Length: 20 to 30 minutes each, but i'm not sure. Please let me know how long it took.
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post, this thread will be perfect.

Thanks for your help !
Federation Mission - You won't be borg (1/2)
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Federation

----------Report Start Part 1-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with some very good map designs and extremely tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but there are several spelling and grammatical errors that need to be fixed. I am sure I caught most of them below. Despite the issues with the spelling and grammar in the dialogue I would still recommend this mission too other players. It was fun.

I mention the battle being extremely tough. You need to balance the enemy mobs a little bit, especially on the "Surplus Depot Z16" map. This doesn?t mean you have to cut back on the number of enemy just balance them between weaker, medium and high level mobs. Having 2 or 3 high level mobs in a row can become tedious. If it is extremely difficult on Normal then it would be nearly impossible on Elite. On the "Surplus Depot Z16" map when I engaged the "Assimilation room" enemy mobs I got killed 5 times while engaging the first group in the room. That became very tedious quickly. The way you had the map set up it would be hard to place respawn points deeper into the map without them being triggered before the player got very far into the map. I?ve never checked the range from a respawn point that triggers it to become active. I may have to check. :smile:

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice short description. You may want to add a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click the "Hail" button. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "This is a federation ship graveyard" to read "This is a Federation ship graveyard".

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is an intriguing grant dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank], you probably know about our surplus depot policy. These are old ships graveyards" to read "[Rank], you may have heard of the Federations Z16 surplus depot, knick named the starship grave yard".
-Consider changing "We don't destroy them for maintenance issues, since some of these old classes ships are still used to patrol along our frontiers with the Klingons, the Borgs, or the Romulans" to read "Most of the ships mothballed there are used as spare parts for other ships, of the same classes, that are still in use patrolling the borders with the Klingons, Borg, and Romulans".
-Consider changing "We recieved one hour ago a distress signal from the Z16 surplus depot. It's probably a minor issue, but we can't contact our engineering team there" to read "We received a distress call from the engineering team stationed at the depot and then immediately lost contact with them. It may be nothing but we cannot take that chance".
-Consider striking everything that follows "I want you to investigate".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Go to the Europani system, in the Regulus sector block, and try to contact the engineering team of the Surplus Depot Z16[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Go to the Europani system, in the Regulus sector block, and check up on the engineering team at Z16[/MissionInfo]"

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "in the Sibirian System !" to read "in the Sibirian system!".

Surplus Depot Z16 System: This is a good map design with good battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Strange readings" dialogue; consider changing "sensors are somewhat overflowed here" to read "sensors are somewhat overloaded here".
-Consider changing "Somone did that, it's an emergency program that the Z16 station can initiate in case of emergency" to read "It's a program that the Z16 station personnel can initiate in case of emergency".
-Consider changing the response button "Romulans ?" to read "Romulans?".
-Consider making the "Collect data from destroyed ships" individual tasks with dialogue after each regarding what, if anything, was found by the link".
-The post "Collect data from destroyed ships" dialogue; consider changing the response button "The what ?" to read "The what?".
-Consider changing "Borgs" to read "Borg".
-Consider changing "I suggest the ship remains on red alert, sir" to read "I suggest the ship remain on red alert". This needs to change in both branches of dialogue.
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Find evidence of borg attack[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Find evidence of Borg attack[/MissionInfo]". This needs to change in both branches of dialogue.
-Spread the enemy mobs just a little further apart.

---------End Report Part 1----------
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 06-24-2012 at 02:48 PM. Reason: Format error in Forum posting.