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Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0
Hi, Evil70th. I just finished the second part of my mission in two parts. Ideally i'd like a review on both of them, but if you don't have time or don't want to do it, pick one, i'll be happy with that.

Missions Name: You won't be borg (2/2) ;
Author: diogene0
Minimum Level: 46
Allegiance: Federation
Estimated Mission Length: 20 to 30 minutes each, but i'm not sure. Please let me know how long it took.
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post, this thread will be perfect.

Thanks for your help !
Federation Mission - You won't be borg (2/2)
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOTJ5LPYP

----------Report Start Part 2-----------

Paulson Nebula: This is a good map with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Punctuation issues, for example "[OOC]You :[/OOC]"
-The post "Scan Area" dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]federation ships have been stolen[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Federation ships have been stolen[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Do not take care of this, we will[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Do not respond, we will take care of this[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Give the borg a history lesson[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Give the Borg a history lesson[/MissionInfo]"
-The post "Destroy assimilated Federation ships" dialogue; consider changing "the borg sent a long range teleportation beam" to read "the Borg sent a long range teleportation beam"
-Consider changing "The priority should be to stop the borg" to read "The priority should be to stop the Borg".
-Consider changing the response button "This is not serious. What about the crew out there" to read "You cannot be serious. What about the crew over there?".
-Consider changing "they might think the borg are responsible about this anyway" to read "they might think the Borg are responsible for this".
-Consider changing the response button "This is a great idea, commander" to read "That is a great idea, commander".
-Consider changing the map transfer dialogue response button "Got to Next Map" to read "Energize".

NCC 1701 D - USS Enterprise, Bridge: This is a good map with good battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Punctuation issues, for example "[OOC]You :[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "I?m testing a new head, do you enjoy it ?" to read "I am testing a new head, what do you think?".
-Consider changing "[OOC]I know you have some borg on board[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]I know you have some Borg onboard[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "Don?t tell me why" to read "Do not tell me why".
-Consider changing "[OOC]You will have to say them that the borg managed to take control of the main computer to release gas[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]You will have to tell them the Borg managed to take control of the main computer and released a gas[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Go to Deck 12 and remove the borg threat[MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Go to Deck 12 and remove the Borg threat[MissionInfo]".

Deck 12: This is a great map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Punctuation issues similar to other maps.
-Consider balancing the enemy mobs. There are too many high level enemy mobs on this map. It is very difficult on Normal and would probably be impossible on Elite.
-Consider changing "The borg started to assimilate the ship !" to read "The Borg are assimilating the ship!".

Paulson Nebula#2: This is a good map with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Punctuation issues similar to other maps.
-Consider balancing the enemy mobs. There are too many high level enemy mobs on this map. It looks as if you added additional mobs that do not count towards the total that have to engage to complete the map. That can be tedious as well. It is very difficult on Normal and would probably be impossible on Elite.
-Consider changing the map transfer dialogue; "I think the Enterprise is save now" to read "I think the Enterprise is safe now".

Risa System: This is a short but interesting map design. The story dialogue is very short but intriguing enough to justify it as a good wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report Part 2----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission and part 1. With some changes here and there they will become a great mission. I look forward to reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 06-24-2012 at 03:06 PM. Reason: Format issue with forum posting.