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Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 882
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaddy18 View Post
Mission Name: Life Absorbed
Author: chaddy18
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLLM8HQEV
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 Minutess
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

PS Be nice :p
Federation Mission - Life Absorbed
Author: chaddy18
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLLM8HQEV

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great story oriented mission with a little combat thrown in on some of the maps. The map design is excellent with some great interactions and a few battles here and there for good measure. The story dialogue is very well written. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great story oriented mission combined with excellent maps and a few battles. :smile:

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a nice intriguing description. Consider switching the description and the [MissionInfo] so the actual mission description is on top. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: : The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Celes System: This is a nice map design but I am not sure it is necessary to the story. The player flies in and is 27 km from the shuttle. After flying all the way to the shuttle you have one line of dialogue and it is the map transfer dialogue. Consider removing this map and putting the "Dr. Kingsley is signaling" dialogue in for the entry prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Dr. Kingsley is signalling" to read "Dr. Kingsley is signaling".

Deck 3: This is a great deck design. The attention to detail on the map itself really showed. The story dialogue is well written but you need to add more to the Dr. Kingsley dialogue to make it worth the effort. She has one line with the player and the player has dialogue in with hers. As I said, I liked the deck design including the holodeck. The only thing I would recommend is; if possible, add some more rooms to explore. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

HN-523 System: This is a great map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

NX Bridge: This is a great map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider lowering the bulkhead console at the entry point. It seems a little high.
-The "Transfer Power" puzzle; the "D-5 TO E-6" does nothing when clicked.

HN-523 System: This is a good map design with excellent dialogue. I liked the warp away of the Hanegan, even though there are limitations to that effect in the Foundry. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Unexplored System: This is a good map design with some good battles. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Alien Planet: This is a great map design with some good battles and the drill interaction you set up was outstanding. The story dialogue was excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Unexplored System: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. The only thing I would suggest is add a little more story to this map. Perhaps some additional dialogue from the BOFF?s about the mission ort the alien race. Otherwise a great wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Enter The Code" dialogue; consider changing "Make sure others of your kind to stay away from this system for their own safety" to read changing "Make sure others of your kind stay away from this system for their own safety".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I look forward to reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".