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Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by grylak
Could I submit my mission to review please? I've not had any feedback from anyone yet, and I'd like to know how I did with my first dip into mission making.

Federation level 16+/

The Jeroan Farmer Escapade.

Mission Name: The Jeroan Farmer Escapade
Author: Grylak
Minimum Level: 16
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: st-hucwylcor
Estimated Mission Length: an hour max
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Federation Mission - The Jeroan Farmer Escapade
Author: Grylak
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HUCWYLCOR

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good map design, tough battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to all players who love those elements within a mission.

The use of objects vice NPCs to trigger optional dialogue is recommended to give you the ability to add depth to the story but not distract the player from the main part of the story with multiple "I" icons spread across a map. Those icons can draw a player to read dialogue but when they are done the dialogue prompt remains. With object triggered optional dialogue there are no "I" icons spread all over the map, and the dialogue, and prompt disappear after the player accesses it. It also gives the author the ability to make optional dialogue appear or disappear based on the player?s actions. This gives the author the ability to have branching story dialogue or events on a map. The same method can be used to trigger alternate events or effects. It expands the author's story telling capability from map to map.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description but consider adding a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click "Hail". I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue and follow on dialogue with just enough to make me want to click the "Accept" button, and see where this story takes me. The follow on dialogue with the start location indicated is also well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Jeroan Space: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Jeroan Farmland: This is a good map design with some good battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using objects vice NPC's to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to add to the story and once the player has accessed the dialogue it goes away.
-Some of the access points are not sitting level. Consider adding a platform of some type under them to make them appear to be supported rather than hanging in open air.

Lab entrance: This is a good map design with some tough battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Main lab: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using objects vice NPC's to trigger optional dialogue. This gives you the ability to add to the story and once the player has accessed the dialogue it goes away.
-Consider using the same style of consoles you used in the previous maps throughout the mission. This helps keep the player in the story so they are not distracted by a sudden change in console appearance.
-Consider changing "My guess is they somehow discovered about this base and wanted it's secrets" to read "My guess is they somehow discovered this base and wanted its secrets".
-Consider moving the explosion from the "Shut down power" task back a little so it does not engulf the player and the console they activated. It would look better from a story perspective.
-I like your use of player dialogue in the window to give the player more to say other than the limitations of the response button. However you should use either [OOC] or [MissionInfo] dialogue and avoid switching between them.

Jeroan Farmland #2: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written.
-Consider using either [OOC] or [MissionInfo] dialogue and avoid switching between them.

Jeroan Space#2: The map design needs some work. The "fog effect" used does not seem to add anything to the story and is annoying. Consider removing the effect. The battle was good and the story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider using either [OOC] or [MissionInfo] dialogue and avoid switching between them.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.