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Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Wow - long queue Brian.

I'm sorry but I'm going to have to give you more work.

I just published Kai Hard by Bazag. Lvl 31+

Look forward to hearing what you think when you are able to finally get around to it.
Federation Mission - Kai Hard
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQ6ZY7JSD

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with several tough, but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I thoroughly enjoyed this mission and would highly recommend it to any player who likes those elements in a mission.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. The [OOC] dialogue at the end made me laugh. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location of the NPC as part of the story. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Deep Space Nine (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of the Cryptic map assets. The story dialogue you developed for this map is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The response button "Luck? Who needa luuxk." to read "Luck? Who needs luck? ".

Gamma Quadrant Star System: This is a good map design with a good battle and very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Makeshift Village: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" for the BOFF reports. Consider changing them to something more in line with the dialogue. For example on the initial report the response could be "Let's move out" or something along those lines.
-The "Opaka" dialogue; consider changing "the day my pagh and the Emissary's would cross" to read "the day my path and the Emissary's would cross".
-Consider changing "get a message out there howmuch of it went through" to read "get a message out there how much of it went through".
-Consider changing "but there are many amung the people here who may take up arms" to read "but there are many among the people here who may take up arms".
-Consider changing "I'm getting the data now sir, There are multiple biomechanical" to read "I'm getting the data now sir. There are multiple biomechanical".

Underground Cave System: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "If his not right" to read "If he's not right".
-The post "Check the prisoners" dialogue; consider changing "Yes, You must be" to read "Yes, you must be".

Makeshift Village: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point. One of my BOFFs was stuck in the hillside at the spawn point. I could not free the BOFF no matter what I tried. This might be an isolated incident but one I thought you should be aware of.
-The "Opaka" dialogue; consider changing "Thank you [NickName]" to read Thank you [Rank]".

Gamma Quadrant Star System: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Dreg" dialogue; consider changing "All ship engage and disable" to read "All ships engage and disable".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I thoroughly enjoyed playing it. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 07/06/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.