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Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyline475 View Post
I've re-done the first episode in The Wave Empire. Hopefully now it flows a lot smoother battle wise, and does not brake immersion due to spelling errors.

The only thing I haven't done is the "open city" feel you talked about once you land in Loerina. I'm afraid that will have to be put on hold till I go back and polish the entire series after all those foundry goodies come out that we keep hearing so much about xD (Crossing fingers for cutscene tools)

I would love for another review when you get the chance. You where such a help the first time I thought I'd ask again. ^.^

Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.1
Author: Skyline475
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAP9J34R0
Est. Time: 45min
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.1 (Re-Review)
Author: Skyline475
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAP9J34R0

----------Report Start -----------

Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map design and several tough but fun battles. I still would not like to play this on Elite but the support units you added to some of the battles make it a lot better than before. The story dialogue is very well written and you made almost all of the corrections from my previous report. There are still a couple here and there but it is a whole lot better than before. I really enjoyed the mission and would definitely recommend this mission to other players.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammar errors in this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammar errors in this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors in this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammar errors in this prompt.

MAPS:
The Wave Empire Star Gate: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "Shall I proceed through the Wrap Gate, [Rank]" to read "Shall I proceed through the warp gate, [Rank]".

Atlantis: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Atlantis Docking Station Delta: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Loerina: This is a very nice map design with a lot of details, but the dialogue does not support the need for this map. The map transfer dialogue alludes to the people seeming too good to be true, but how would the player know that since they have interacted with no one other than the "Transporter Operator" on this map. Consider changing the nature of this map to allow the player to explore the city a little and talk to some of the locals. This could be done by giving the player the option when talking to the "Transporter Operator" add another response button that says "I?m going to look around a little" or something along those lines. You can then set this to use small objects to trigger optional dialogue with the various NPCs spread across the map. If the player chooses not to select that button then the optional dialogue is not available. Objects used to trigger optional dialogue allows the author to add branching dialogue that will also disappear after the player interacts with it. Do not use NPC to trigger the optional dialogue. There are several tutorials available on StarBase UGC that can walk you through creating the optional dialogue using trigger objects.

Ascended Council: This is a nice map design. The story dialogue is well written but seems rather short. Consider adding a little more detail to the interaction with Ascended Loriyen. You should also add object triggered optional dialogue with the other NPCs spread across this map. This would give the player the ability to find out a little more about the Waveloids and would flesh out the story a little more. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The NPC to the right front of the "Ascended Loriyen" is labeled "UGC Contact".
-Consider changing "I have the authority to grant you such premission" to read "I have the authority to grant you such permission".
-Consider changing "Step onto the platform on the east side of the room" to read "Step onto the platform on the west side of the room". The platform is actually located on the west side of the room.

Ascended Council Member Uioda?s Living Quarters: The map design is good with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post scan dialogue; consider changing the response button "Set Weapons to Kill" to read "Set weapons to kill".
-The post "Check Unidentified Vulcan" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], shes dead" to read "[Rank], she's dead".
-Consider changing "Also, notice theres blood comming" to read "Also notice there's blood coming from".
-Consider changing "I might be able to tell you more after I can examine her in more deatil on the [ShipName]" to read "I might be able to tell you more after I examine her in more detail on the [ShipName]".

Ascended Council#2: The map design is good with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Loerina#2: The map design is good with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Atlantis Docking Station Delta#2: The map design is good with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Atlantis#2: This is a good map design with several tough battles but the support ships you added are a good addition to the fighting. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I like the way you explained why that the Devidians are attacking using Hirogen ships, but consider changing the use of "Hirojen" to read "Hirogen" throughout the dialogue.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 07/06/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.