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Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 884
Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
Seems you've got quite the queue now Evil70th. I suppose I'd better add my new one now before it gets even longer

Mission Title: Sink the Bismarck!
Faction: Federation
Level: 31+
Start: Wolf 359

A Starfleet admiral asks you to participate in the testing of an experimental AI system designed to make space travel safer. But when the system takes control of one of Starfleet's most powerful ships, it's up to you to hunt her down and Sink the Bismarck!

And as always thanks for all you do!
Federation Mission - Sink the Bismarck!
Author: drogyn1701
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HH3YAGDNU

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map design, great story dialogue, and a lot of tough battles. I would not recommend players try it on Elite level. Some of the ground battles are pretty tough on Normal and would most likely be impossible on Elite. Despite this I still would highly recommend this mission to other players as it drew me in with the story and map designs.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is simple and straight forward. The post "Accept" dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Utopia Planitia: This is a nice map design but there is hardly any dialogue to this map. In the subspace message the Admiral talks about not being able to discuss it over subspace. When the player arrives and says hello they are off to the test site. Consider adding dialogue that goes in depth on what the project is about. Also consider using triggered dialogue for the optional dialogue. That way after the player interacts with the NPC the optional dialogue goes away.

Test Area: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and your use of effects is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Battle Bridge: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I like the "hook it up on Tuesday" line. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Fire Phasers" dialogue; consider changing "minimla impact on their shields, sir" to read "Minimal impact on their shields, sir".

Antares Sector: This is a great map design. Your use of the single map to encompass three star systems with battles and other objects in each is excellent despite the lack of warp effects. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "We shoud start with" to read "We should start with".
-The "Intercessor" dialogue; consider changing "Oh, well if it isn't [Rank] [LastName], The" to read "Oh, well if it isn't [Rank] [LastName], the".
-The interference in the Jolanne System did not start until the fighters attacked despite the Science BOFF mentioning it.
-The response button to the map transition dialogue states "Keep working on those engines" but the previous dialogue the Science BOFF reports "We can go to warp again". Is that intentional?

Command Center: This is an excellent map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Yes admiral" to read "Yes Admiral".
-Consider changing the response button "Quikcly lieutenant" to read "Quickly Lieutenant".
-Consider changing "She's an Emissary Class cruiser" to read "She's an Emissary class cruiser".
-Consider changing the response button "If it is the Bismarck, what would she be doing her" to read "If it is the Bismarck, what would she be doing there".

Breyer System: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Terak" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] This is Terak" to read "[Rank], this is Terak".

Bismarck Engineering Deck: This is a great map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map, especially due to the number of enemy mobs you placed in Main Engineering.
-The "Brunhilde" dialogue; consider changing "I observed him speaking with The Doctor concerning Holographic Rights" to read "I observed him speaking with the Doctor concerning Holographic rights".

Breyer System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and serves as a great wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Admiral Petrov, I'm sorry about all of this, I never mean for any of it to happen" to read "Admiral Petrov, I'm sorry about all of this, I never meant for any of it to happen".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission, and I would have rated it at 5 stars, but this feature appears to not be working. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 08/04/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".