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Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 751
Quote:
Originally Posted by q403 View Post
Got one for you Evil.

It is for the Foundry Challenge, and completed. I want some feedback so I can make the mission excellent.


Title: Mudds' Treasures
Handle: @Q400
Faction: Federation
Estimated Length: Unknown
ID: ST-HBL2ES8IC


Note: I am finalizing the dialouge as we speak; it is not done. Some dialouge may not make sense.
Federation Mission - Mudds' Treasures
Author: Q400
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HBL2ES8IC

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is an interesting mission with a lot of potential. The map designs appeared to work as intended except as noted below. The story dialogue appeared to be mostly intended as place holders for future development along with the interactions and battles. I am not sure what else I can do for the review of this mission as the in game rating system is down, but good luck in the challenge.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is an intriguing description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I am about to tell you something that cannot leave this channel" to read "I am about to tell you something that cannot be discussed with anyone outside of your crew".

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the entry button "Warp into the System; take precation" to read "Warp into the System; take precautions".

MAPS:
Planet Orbit: This is an interesting map design. The story dialogue, as you said seemed to not make sense. It was almost as if they are place holders. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the spawn point to face the "1000 Year Old Ship".

Old Ship: The map is a very simple design with a few tough but fun battles. The story dialogue again felt as if it is intended as a place holder and did not really make a lot of sense. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The panel inside the last room seems to be further back in the wall then you intended it to be.

Space: This is a very simple map design with a good fight and very simple dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the spawn point to face the "1000 Year Old Ship".

Starfleet Research Facility - Caved: This is a simple map design with dialogue that appears to be intended as place holders for further development. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player has interacted with it.
-The map transfer at the end of the map is the default "Go to Next Map" dialogue and response button. This appears to be a test of the new "Cryptic" map insertion feature in the Foundry. If so it still needs refinement as the entry into the Chiron system appears once you are in sector space. This is a step up from having to actually tell the player to beam up to go to sector space or another Cryptic map.

Deep Space Nine (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of the Cryptic map in the story but as with the others the dialogue appears to be place holders for development. The mission did not end once I clicked response button "Exit Report: Finish Mission". There were no further instructions to do anything else in the mission so I had to drop it. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission has a great deal of potential to be a great mission. I am sure you can develop it into a good entry in the Foundry Challenge. Good luck and as always I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 08-05-2012 at 02:33 PM.