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Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 410
# 3
08-08-2012, 04:44 PM
An intriguing opening.

Nothing major I can think of to add aside from transporter chief doesn't need a capital C, hyperspanner not hypo (I looked that up on memory alpha first ) also which rank of chief is he? When I write I introduce characters with their full rank. I just think it sets the character better, but that's just what works for me.
I originally thought your captain was Romulan when you said Vulcan cousins but it was interesting to make him an atypical Vulcan.
Is your Trill officer's name based on Jadzia Dax or is that just a coincidence I'm looking too much into?

I use a different site for mine, memory gamma, but I like pictures