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Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 183
# 311
09-14-2012, 01:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Federation Mission - Shadows of the Past
Author: backyardserenade
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHG6JJ82J

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. Considering that English is not your primary language. I'd say you did a very good job with your writing for this mission. You should consider adding in skip dialogue throughout the mission. This will help speed your mission completion up. Your map design is very well done and very detailed in many aspects. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves a great story combined with good maps and tough but fun battles.

The use of hidden objects as triggers for optional dialogue allows the author to add more to the story without increasing the storyline. Once the player accesses that part of the story then the prompt goes away. With a standard NPC used as a contact the dialogue remains even after the player has accessed it. I would highly recommend this method of creating optional dialogue. There is a tutorial regarding this on Starbase UGC along with s full set of tutorials on that site.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a nice grant dialogue with just enough detail to make the player want to "Accept" the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding additional buttons to the post "Grant Mission" dialogue. When the Admiral asks if the person knows of the attacks let them choose. If they say yea then you can use it as a "skip dialogue" so they can get right into the mission with a summary.

Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Toron System: This is a good map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

S.S. Ratosha Bridge: This is a good map design with a fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Believe me, [[Rank]], I didn?t want to destroy" to read "Believe me, [Rank], I didn't want to destroy".
-Consider changing the response button "You deserve a recommendation" to read "You deserve a commendation".

S.S. Ratosha Cargo Area: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Janara: About yourself" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Ververmind" to read ""Never mind"".

Toron System Asteroid Belt: This is a good map design with fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Celestial Temple: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Terok Nor Promenade: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "For all we know the Prophets have send us back here" to read "For all we know the Prophets have sent us back here".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue.

Terok Nor Docking Ring: This is an excellent and very detailed map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue. From this point I will only note the map and will cover this in the summary.

Terok Nor Habitat Ring: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.

[Bajoran Temple] This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.

Toron Asteroid Belt: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to the mission. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thanks, evil, for your review!

I didn't have a chance to work on the Foundry a lot lately (sadly, the downtime back in July came at a time when I could have worked on the projects). I didn't even realize you alreay reviewed "Shadows of the Past".


Thanks for all the tips you gave! I already changed some of those things and will surely add some more tweaks in the following weeks.

Your input and feedback is much appreciated. So a big thank you from my part.

"Sometimes you have to do things that you hate, so you can survive to fight another day."

Last edited by backyardserenade; 09-14-2012 at 01:26 AM.