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Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 852
Quote:
Originally Posted by drudgy View Post
Greetings again old friend! I've got another mission for you to review when you get a chance. I'd appreciate any suggestions you may have to improve the dialog.

Mission Title: Terrors of the Past
Your @Handle: kahn
Faction: KDF
Level Requirement: 41+
Mission Summary: The spoils of war are sometimes not as glorious as the Empire would lead you to believe. Delve deep into the mystery of a 1000 year old vessel drifting along near the KDF front with the Federation and learn the true meaning of Terror!

This mission was submitted as part of the Foundry Challenge #4. I appreciate any feedback you have with the mission! Good luck to all my fellow Foundry authors who submitted missions for the challenge.
Klingon Mission - Terrors of the Past
Author: kahn
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HJJZQQPOI

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: Without knowing what the particulars of the challenge this mission was created for I would have to say it is an excellent mission. The map designs are good, the battles glorious, and the story dialogue is great. I would highly recommend this mission to other players who love the combination of good maps, glorious battles and a great story.

Below are a couple of items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The initial task is okay as you provide the system where the first custom map starts but consider adding the sector block as well. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

MAPS:
Alhena III: This is a good map design with glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Derelect Vessel: This is a good map design with a glorious battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "Derelect Vessel" to read "Derelict Vessel".

Unknown System: This is a good map design with a glorious battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I'm sorry [Rank], but i've got to go take care of this" to read "I'm sorry [Rank], but I've got to go take care of this".

Cargo Bay: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Not good [Rank] If my calculations are correct we have a 20% chance of taking the device back for further study" to read "Not good [Rank]. If my calculations are correct we have a 20% chance of taking the device back for further study".
-Consider changing the response button "It's not much, but lets try it" to read "It's not much, but let's try it".

Alhena III (2409): This is a good map design with some tough but glorious battles and well written dialogue. This map is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Lets destroy these Federation Targ for invading our space, the old fashion way" to read "Let's destroy these Federation Targ for invading our space, the old fashion way".
-Consider adding a respawn point closer to the battle.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/17/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".