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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 121
# 4
09-20-2012, 02:40 AM
I think it's great you're writing, it's a very cool hobby and its nice (and brave) you share it.

Being asked to be critical, I firstly agree with Varool, linking your character to a large array of existing ST characters does not help the development. It's like the character needs a lot of support, which actually weakens him. I would suggest to take all of those out and make up your own authentic characters.

I find the characters around your character a bit bleak. What kind of man was his father, what kind of woman were his mother and sister (etc.)? To make a story immersive, writers often add a lot of those details. And don't make them too perfect, add flaws.

I find your main character, Kane, too polished and perfect. For the reader it is a lot more fun if he has some serious (character) flaws. Now he seems to be some sort of super human, tall, dark, handsome, admired, easy in making contact, not driven by hunger or ambition, best of his class, gifted in many things, athletic to an olympian degree, speaks several languages fluently, plays several music instruments superbly, brave, intelligent, etc, etc. He has a bit of a temper, that's about it.

Kane is maybe how we all would like to be, but he is (therefore) not someone we can identify with.

Look at Picard. A very flawed man. Can't allow himself to be close to people easily. Artificial heart as a physical weakness. Bold. Troubled relationship with his father and brother. Arrogant at times. Very, very lonely. Full of regrets. A temper at times. But to offset it, an enlightened thinker, a near brilliant strategist, a man who holds his principles high. A loyal Captain to his crew.

It is the balance between his flaws and talents that make him so believable and makes us identify with him. And that goes for most ST characters.

So I would advise to reinvent Kane, give much more content to the characters that shaped his life, and give him just as many flaws as talents, to make him interesting and believable.

Last edited by hydaspes; 09-20-2012 at 04:00 AM.