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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,686
# 1274
12-13-2012, 04:24 AM
This one had me laughing for hours after it finished.

Alright, start up a KASE with some buddies of mine from both the EliteSTF and PublicEliteStf channels. Someone else had started the private room, and I only knew/flew with 2 of the guys there (host included). The other two were people I had never seen before. Anyways, in the match chat before we started, assignments were handed out. I got probe duty (Odyssey, what did you expect), and my other friend got the other probes. The host said he was goin right, and the other two stayed silent.

So we warp in, and I immediately know this is going to be a bad day. Two Odysseys (myself and one of my friends), a Kar'fi (my other friend), a bug, and a fleet MVAE. I won't state names, but the fleet they were in was one I recognized. For the wrong reasons. And my suspicions were confirmed as we blew in on the tac cube, and they proceeded to die. The amusing part was that there had only been maybe 4 shots fired from the cube, and it killed both of them, and the most hilarious part was that one of them was a bug. Of all the ships to get killed, a bug. Sufficed to say, it was up to me and my two friends to remove the tactical cube, which we did. Moron #1 and Moron #2 (thus they shall be called for the rest of this) went back in, and didn't die this time, but that had something to do with the tactical cube spending it's time trying to kill me and the other Odyssey the whole time (my DPS is pretty high, and the other Oddy has threat control on that character).

Anyways, tac cube goes down (killing the FMVAE with it's warp core breach) and I head left, the other Oddy goes right. We start killing probes. I see Moron #1's shields start to take damage. I look for him, and to my utter astonishment, he's attacking the gate... I facepalm and wait a few seconds. And right on queue, the gate blasts him apart. Moron #2 actually has enough brainpower to attack the generators. He blows the first one rather quickly (despite being an idiot, his DPS is high enough and those gens aren't that durable), and the second one goes down just as fast. I expect him to engage the cube that warps in, but nope. He kills the other two gens, and starts on the transformer. The entire time under attack by the cube. He dies shortly after a high yield hits him. Meanwhile, Moron #1 has respawned, and goes balls deep on the cube. He alpha strikes it, and takes out a HUGE chunk of it's health. And by huge, I mean a good 65% in his first pass. Then he gets tractored, and his APO3 runs out. And as anticipated, tachyon beam, followed by the high yield. Bug got the Borg boot treatment, and was squashed.

While this hilarity was going on on my side, the Kar'fi and Oddy are having a wonderful time. They are just chatting and laughing at our two idiot escorts while doing their side efficiently (or as efficiently as a sci oddy and kar'fi can).

So this is about 10:30 on the timer. And the cube is still alive (after having been spawned at around the 14:00 mark). It's below 20% hp and has no shields, but Moron #1 and Moron #2 just can't seem to kill it. I finally get frustrated, EM3 over, and blow it to kingdom come in just under 30 seconds. I hoof it back to my old spot and blow the probes that thought they could sneak past me. Right. Without the cube, Moron #1 and Moron #2 proceed to waste the transformer in less than 30 seconds.

At this point, I am not sure what had me more confused. The sheer amount of DPS that they could put out, or the fact that with all that DPS they couldn't kill anything that shot back. Anyways, they hoof it over to the side I am on (they started on the far transformer), and Moron #1 attacks the gate. Again. However he lives this time (courtesy of an ET3 and TSS2 from his friendly neighborhood Odyssey), and they start on the gens. After the second one goes down, Moron #2 gets killed by the cube (big surprise there), and then Moron #1 demonstrates his massive DPS by slapping 60% of the cubes HP away in about 15 seconds. Then he goes on cd, and dies. At this point I am starting to wonder what his BOff and console setup is. I clean up the cube (Moron #2 is still dead), check the other side. My two friends have their gate at 60% and falling.

5:00 mark on timer. All 4 transformers are down, and the right gate is at 2%. The left gate (my gate with Morons 1 & 2) is at 80%. Sufficed to say, in the space of 3 minutes, the two idiots managed to die a good 20 times in total (at least). My friend in the Kar'fi comes over, and we start on the gate (the two Morons are still in respawn oblivion). We get the gate down to 10% over the next 4 minutes. At the 1:00 mark, we tell my other oddy friend to blow their gate. They take it down in about 30 seconds, and we finish our gate off. And the big clean-up begins. The two Morons have respawned and are flying around looking pretty, while we kill the probes and spheres.

Here is where it just gets sad. Donatra makes her grand entrance, and myself and the other Oddy just dive her. The Kar'fi starts slapping her too, and we take out her forward shields in about a minute. Moron #1 is sitting about 8k off of her shooting (no CRF in sight...), and Moron #2 has split his ship (for I think the 3rd time that match), and he's attacking the tractor probes... Anyways... one of us gets too close, and Donatra cloaks. Not a surprise. So we spread out (we being the two oddys and the kar'fi). She decloaks about 5k away from her original spot and starts up her Thalaron, which is pointed straight at me. I hit my EM and get clear, and then Moron #1 charges in, guns blazing. Head on. Moron #2 starts shooting her point blank from behind. Meanwhile, the Kar'fi and other Oddy are on her left bombarding her, while I am on her right re-directing power back to weapons and I start shooting. She fires, and Moron #1 is dead again. And then he speaks... "****ing hacking NPC. You see that bull-**** one shot? This game is ****ing ********." I am so surprised that I actually have no response. Other than raucous laughter.

Sufficed to say, Moron #2 got a faceful of mines, and he never respawned for the rest of the battle. Moron #1 respawns and dives her a few more times, and after a point he's stuck in respawn oblivion as well. Which leaves myself and the other two to win. It took us 20 minutes, but we did it. As soon as Donatra explodes, the two morons respawn, and after a rather long and uncouth commentary on the "broken npcs and crappy damage programming" leave. Moron #2 never said a word the whole time.

After they leave, the 3 of us just laugh about it. I asked the host why he invited them, and he said he only invited Moron #1 because he had seen him in another STF do well. I asked him if he ever had to shoot at anything that shot back, and he said no. And he said Moron #1 invited Moron #2.

However the absolute best part about this whole thing:

Moron #1 had over 11k accolade points. And he had the Starfleet Medal of Honor Recipient as his title. Moron #2 only had 4k accolade points, and based on how he was flying and what abilities I saw (or more accurately what I didn't see), I imagine he was somewhat new.

I never died. The other Oddy died once (Donatra did her TS3 3 times in a row with 5 seconds between), and the Kar'fi never had it's shields dropped. And what really had me rofling was that I got a great drop (115 Omega Marks, 11 BnPs, and a mk XI blue phaser relay plus a mk XII purple deflector).

So yeah. The very first fail bug I have ever seen outside of PvP. You can probably see why I was laughing about this match for hours after... XD
It is said the best weapon is one that is never fired. I disagree. The best weapon is one you only have to fire... once.
Why the Devs can't make PvE content harder. <--- DR proved me wrong!