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Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,757
# 5
12-20-2012, 02:50 PM
Thanks for the feedback, it's very much appreciated, but could you expand on a few of your points?

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Originally Posted by trahl View Post
Starfleet doesn't reject augments just because they're different- but because they often end up unstable and they don't want to train the next Kahn.
Absolutely, I quite agree, and to be honest, it was something I'd forgotten when I wrote her in the New Romulus challenge, then had to find a way of how she could still have been admitted, without it reading like nepotism on the part of the Admiral

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Originally Posted by trahl View Post
So basically I'd suggest giving her a more critical weakness or attach her to something or someone that doesn't make her so different.
Could you expand on that more? I tried to give her a fair few character flaws and imperfections rather than being a 'flawless character', I'm not too sure what else I could have done along those lines...

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Originally Posted by trahl View Post
And the healing seemed a bit much (or maybe you just gave it a lot of detail), but I'd make it contingent on some sort of rare chemical so she's not invincible.
Did you think so? I'd wanted it to be clear that she wasn't truly Immortal, like Connor MacLeod or Jack Harkness, so really dialed that back to simply regenerating damage and injuries. I'd also mentioned that due to her Human DNA, her eyes aren't as 'up to the standard' as other Pentaxians would be in terms of night vision... What else could you suggest?

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Originally Posted by trahl View Post
Otherwise its a good come back story that gives a lot of opportunities for revenge and forgiveness stories that could be extremely interesting
Thanks, much of the revenge is in the Doctor Who manuscript I'm working on (which covers solely the interactions between the 10th Doctor and the crew of the Endeavour at the empress' coronation. That said, in writing this, I've realized how many unplanned threads I'd left myself, such as Gul Turan, and maybe even the life and times of Marcus Kane's father (who would have been the 24th Century Howard Stark)