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Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 791
Quote:
Originally Posted by hippiejon View Post
My first time asking for a review from Evil70th *shudder in fear at his name*

Please have a look at my mission.

Mission Name: Officer Reports 1 : Ushaan
Author: @hippiejohn
Minimum Level: 35 +
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPXL3NPMH
Estimated Mission Length: Intended to be between 20 and 30 minutes.
Method of Report Delivery: could you post it to this thread ?

http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...d.php?t=485431
Federation Mission - Officer Reports 1 : Ushaan
Author: hippiejohn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPXL3NPMH

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with a lot of potential. The map designs are good and most of the story dialogue is very well done. I was looking forward to a great story involving Andorian traditions and a brother's pursuit of honor in defense of his kin. The shift in the story to a grind mission was annoying since there was no mention of this in the description. If you plan on keep the mission like this then you should add dialogue in the description that alludes to the possibility of this happening. I would recommend this mission to other players who like tough grinder missions but not on Elite level.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Many Officers, and some of the enlisted & civilian crew often congregate" to read "Many Officers, enlisted and civilian crew members congregate".
-Consider changing "Some of the power consuits even run through the room" to read "Some power conduits run through the room".

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
'Below Decks' , Junior Officer's Lounge: This is a good map design with detailed dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
-Consider changing "So you'll come to Andoria then ?" to read "So you'll come to Andoria then?".
-The Linu dialogue; consider changing "Hey, at least this way we still have each other, right ?" to read "Hey, at least this way we still have each other, right?"
-I have noted at least three times where you have a space between the word and the "?" question mark. I also noted on the Chief Gug dialogue a space between the word and the "!" exclamation point. There are several locations where punctuation appears to have been separated from words by a single space, including the map name. From this point forward I will only note the maps this occurs on.

Andoria High Mountain Park: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
-The Lieutenant JG Shraal dialogue; consider changing "we both know that the circumstances" to read "We both know the circumstances".
-Consider changing the response button "Good Luck, Lieutenant" to read "Good luck, Lieutenant".

High Mountain Park Nature Preserve, Peak: This is a simple map design with several tough battles that I would not recommend this map on Elite level. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Check punctuation in the dialogue for spaces between the word and the punctuation.
-The console is buried in the snow. If this is intentional then consider changing the player animation to kneeling vice console interaction.

High Mountain Park Nature Preserve, Lower: This is a simple map design with several tough battles that I would not recommend this map on Elite level. The story dialogue is well written.

Andoria High Mountain Park, Breen Invasion: This is a simple map design with simple battle. The story dialogue is well written.

Andoria High Mountain Park, Ushaan Duel: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Check punctuation in the dialogue for spaces between the word and the punctuation.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Your map design and story dialogue have a lot of potential to become a great story about Andorian traditions and honor. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 12/23/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".